if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Thinking about life as if its just a dream and wondeing if one day your just going to wake up and be like " wtf just happend".....

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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getting really nervous about random white vans that drive by you.

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Inspect the shower, bath or toilet, then washing it until you believe it is suitable to use.

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Picking my nose.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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make south park refferences every day

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Feeling very uncomfortable for days, untill your motivation finally reaches that point when you start learning for the exam.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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when walking i always count how many steps i have taken as i go

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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Sometimes I walk around town and watch peoples TVs through their windows. When they see me and confront me, I try to get a conversation about the show going.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.