I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

thumb_up thumb_down -113

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -125

Open the microwave door exactly when your food ends.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

not be afraid of hurricane sandy

thumb_up thumb_down +4

When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

thumb_up thumb_down -2

I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

thumb_up thumb_down -2

Try to do things while waiting for the microwave.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.