if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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When bored you watch the minute hand on a clock and try to see if you can see it move

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Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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When I post a picture on a Horsehead Huffer site that I made on Microsoft Paint, and it ends up being one of those that never load, I go back on Paint and save it again. Then I repost it, and it works.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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Pretend you are turning Super Saiyan when sat on the toilet

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Think that when you're reading something or watching tv some people somewhere are knowing what your watching or whether or not you understand what you just read so you don't wanna reread it to risk looking stupid.

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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Imagine I'm walking in slow motion when I enter a bar or club

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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When someone wants to kill a bug, I'll get insane and catch the bug, then run out and release the bug while saying "NOW YOU'RE FREE!!!!!"

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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Say something in my head, but then wonder if i said it out loud and just didn't realize.

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Make sudden movements in the mirror to try and catch out my reflection.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.