.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Make a weird face when taking a picture with a friend, never see the picture, so you try to remake the face you did in a mirror to see how stupid you looked...

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Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

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Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

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A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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I like to eat tomato soup and peanut butter sandwiches...its not as gross as it sounds

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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Look at adigital clock sideways when in bed while tryingto sleep and try to make the numbers look like faces

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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I have a band in my head that performs for me every time I listen to music.

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I watch American football with the sound down low because the announcers are always trying to tell us that we didn't see what we just saw when the referees make bad calls

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.