only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I sometimes look at a guy and wonder how big their dick is.

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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It takes me a whole afternoon to write an important/professional email cause i keep thinking about what I should and should not write and it gets so stupidly difficult I take one hour breaks between every sentence.

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Dutch oven myself when I'm lying in bed trying to sleep

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Leave those last one or two sheets of toilet paper after taking a crap just so you don't have to replace it.

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When I am making toast I spread the butter or jam with a spoon

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like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.