Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

thumb_up thumb_down -116

Always have your feet under the cover, and if not, you think that something will get you.

thumb_up thumb_down -120

I like to watch lava lamps heat up

thumb_up thumb_down -128

Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

thumb_up thumb_down +39

I sleep in my underpants every single night

thumb_up thumb_down +29

sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down +17

I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

thumb_up thumb_down +17

When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

thumb_up thumb_down +15

When you see someone you know in a shopping centre and you pretend that you didnt see them at all because you cant be bothered striking up a conversation.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

thumb_up thumb_down +11

You're taking a poo, and you're bored. You use your thighs as drums to pass the time.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You look over the edge of a tall building/structure, and have that sudden urge to jump off.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

when i wake up from a dream and it was an amazing dream. then i try to fall back asleep to have it again...it doesn't work

thumb_up thumb_down +3

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Do somthing only you do

thumb_up thumb_down -7

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.