I don't like to meet people when I'm well dressed because that's not me all of the time.

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wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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Be a loner at school

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Opening the fridge door, then trying to accomplish pouring a drink, before the door seals itself forever leaving the cola to the mercy of the outside world.

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Whe someone buys you a gift and you think they have installed a camera into it or can somehow mentally see you when that gift is near you. Resulting in you acting strange around that it or when you are present in the same room as that gift

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

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When the font allows it, try to hide the cursor in capital I's.

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I can only play a piano with my right hand

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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sitting in the passenger seat of the car, move my head around gently to guide a piece of dirt on the window in the foreground around the obstacle course of trees, streetlights etc in the background. Also, imagine my eyes are projecting lasers which cut through anything and carve the passing world up to my design.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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I pretend that my pillow is the love of my life and kiss it and cuddle it before bed.

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Bored. Open refrigerator. Nothing to eat. Open it again five minutes later.

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I say that girl's name I have a crush on right before I go to sleep because I want her to be the last thing I think about, and then wake up realizing that it was super creepy... Only to do it again the next night

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.