When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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I Masturbate Daily.

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YEET! TURN UP! KEEP IT ONEHUNNIT DADDY!! YAS GAGA YASS!! SIGN ME UP FOR THAT!! PU$$Y ON FLEEK!! PULLOUT GAME STRONG! LARRY IS REAL!! IMMA LET YOU FINISH!! IMMA REAL G! HOLYMOTHERFUCKINGSHIT!!!!!! I SAID HA! BITCH WHERE??? GIVE ME SOME ASS!! WHAT ARE THOOOSE!!! WHERE THEY AT THO?! BITCH BETTA HAVE MUH MONEY! FCK HER RIGHT IN THE PSSY! EAT THAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES!!!!! SURFBOARD! IM NOT GAY NO MORE! WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HOW YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?!! QUEEN! SLAY!

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

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I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Make up a song to yourself.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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You think about all the stupid things you did in elementary school and avoid anyone who went to your elementary school in high school.

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If someone tells me what I did when I was drinking and it's stupid or embarrassing I pretend I don't remember because I was too drunk.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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Sometimes I think of doing really bad things and smirk, only to later regret even thinking of it and start questioning myself while feeling bad about it.

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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Listening to a song, thinking about having the life of the singer in the band

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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When i talk i say i like how or i hate that.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.