Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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Stare at something long enough thinking it will eventually move.

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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Slowly close the fridge door to see when the light bulb turns off.

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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see if I can hold my breath when walking down a long hallway

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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Walking into a room to do something, and then forgetting what you were gonna do.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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sometimes i feel like the person i look at in the mirror is not my own reflection

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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Read things from this page and think to self: "Thank God, I thought I was the only one."

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Watch a familiar movie, and then freak out when you see a suspensful part, only to later realize that there was no point in getting worked up since you already know what happens.

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When I am in a bind and I know I need help I just say " I gott this" and things work out

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Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

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Anytime I walk in anyplace with cracks in the ground (tiled floors, cement squares, etc.) I do my best to avoid stepping on cracks in fear of something happening if I do.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.