I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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When you had a crush on a girl in elementary school, then don't see her in middle school and think of how much of a bitch she was. Then You start crushing on her again in high school.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

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Vigorously scratch my head over a black surface and watch the dandruff fall like snowflakes....then eat it.

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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read on youtube comments with too unlikes

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I imagine myself having a superpower that could make people see from my point of view. I would just have to lay a hand on them, and suddenly they would understand who I really am.

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When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

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Tap my fingers really rapidly when I'm annoyed, stressed out, fed up or angry.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

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when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

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What do you call a rapist in your house? Your father.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.