like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Manage to be more AWESOME! THAN YOU IN EVERY SINGLE WAY! YES YOU! YOU DONT HIDE FROM ME! YEAH CHANGE THE PAGE LIKE THE PUSSY YOU ARE, COME OVER HERE INTO THE SCREEN (NOT HOME IM NAKED AND NOT IN THE MOOD FOR RAPING NOW SO YEAH ANYWAY) MORAL; THE ORIGINAL NOT THE CULT MORAL CODE FUCK ASSHOLE OKAY? DO I SEEM LIKE I WANT A CULT? OR THAT I JUST WANT TO CHAINSAW THE HEAD OF YOUR DOG AND PACK IT IN A NICE GIFT BOX FOR YOU? HUUUUUH!?

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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Freak out at sudden noises when home alone at night.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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only read the short jokes on this website

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Wonder who decide what news stories we see and don't see?

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

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Eat everything inside my burgers first then i eat the buns.

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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No ones home. Go to youtube and do karaoke. Can the neighbors here me? Guess im not talking to them ever again...

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.