Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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when i piss in the toilet, i flush half way through and race the toilet to the finish.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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When someone is really, really angry is telling me their story, I keep a straight face but I can't help mentally laughing my ass off because of their weird facial expressions. Sorry.

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look for old friends on facebook to see what they are up to now

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Have to have a certain light in the bathroom to poop. Also, nobody can be anywhere near me.

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I hit the frig after sex

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Think that some minutes feel shorter than others

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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When sitting or laying down, tell yourself to get up in your head but see how long your body can resist your commands, and end up yelling at yourself to move in your head while still sitting/laying down.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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always get sports injuries, never get any attention from them

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I have dreams that I am really rich and wake up to be thankful for my life just the way it is

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Try stick to something but fail in the end

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Save more than once on your favourite game.

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I worry because I keep wondering why I worry.

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.