Whenever I drop food on the floor I get my dog to come clean it for me

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I mean Diana Ross.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Sometimes, when I'm at work, I j3rk 0ff in the bathroom. Please tell me someone else has done this????

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

thumb_up thumb_down -12

When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Look into your neighbor's house and halucinate someone watching back

thumb_up thumb_down -12

Try to acomplish getting the rest of your meal reaady before the microwave timer goes off.

thumb_up thumb_down -12

after dialing a number and clicking "call" constanly rehearse what your going to say when the other person picks up the line

thumb_up thumb_down -14

i leave tv on when i sleep...cant close it cause i hate to hear....noices...in my bedroom that cant identify......

thumb_up thumb_down -16

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

Listening to my iPod with other people walking by me or sitting near me and feeling mysterious and cool.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I put toilet paper in first before i poop, so the water dosent splash me.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

I always have to remake my bed right before going to sleep in it

thumb_up thumb_down -20

shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Wait until my significant other is in shower and then let loose the longest, loudest fart that's been building in me all night and pray it's muffled by the mattress and the covers.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I used to eat bath bubbles

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.