(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

Ur mum

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

Courtesy flush.

use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

Only use the left earphone.

when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

send a text to some one and act like you "meant" to send it to someone else.

I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

I **** with no hands.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.