Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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When im home alone, i watch porn with the volume turned up really loud.

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fap

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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Show all your friends this website to prove your not as strange as they think you are.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

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Pretend you and your classmates are in a Hunger Games scenario.

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I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Make calculations with house number. Eg: House nº 112 means house nº 4

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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When I'm listening to a sad song that relates to my life while I'm walking all alone, I mouth the words and pretend I'm in a music video.

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.