After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

thumb_up thumb_down -27

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

thumb_up thumb_down -41

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

thumb_up thumb_down -43

when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

thumb_up thumb_down -49

if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

thumb_up thumb_down -49

Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Only use the left earphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

Turn volume down on iPod or tv, then turn up one bar to make it seem like it's still loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

getting excited when you find a recycled tissue in your robe/sweatshirt so you don't know have to get up to get one yourself?

thumb_up thumb_down -61

When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Whenever I think of something creative or weird, I always wonder if someone thought of the same thing.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Sometimes at night, I find myself imagining people I know saying my name, trying to get my attention in my head. They won't stop until I respond out loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Watched the woman in black then go to bed then suddenly a woman in black comes in my room oh wait it is just my mum saying good night

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.