Before I meet someone I've never met before, I think of stuff to say or do to prevent it from being awkward, but when I finally meet them I do none of the things I thought about doing.

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start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Looking up your teachers on facebook just to look at their photos

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Imagine myself going back in time and giving my friends and family little hints on how their life will pan out.

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All of my friends go to halloween parties. I still go trick or treating.

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Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk and uninsured and killing innocent legal people or injuring them for life and leaving them in medical debt.

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Putting pressure on my closed eyes and seeing fireworks behind my eyelids

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You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

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check behind the shower curtain before taking a piss xD E E S

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Pretending to use the force while a door closes behind you, then thinking your brilliant :) -Tim.

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Avoid eating at parties to look as though you're not hungry

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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as you walk down the street, you pretend that all of the people were zombies and you pretend you have a gun and give them headshots (even imitate the gunshot with your mouth) -MATT

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.