Skip the first 3 minutes of "Free Bird" because it's too slow.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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try to rip the top off an Oreo without messing up the cream and then if the cream comes out on both parts not wanting to eat the Oreo because its wrong.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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Courtesy flush.

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Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

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i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

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I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

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I gotta get down of Friday

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Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.