Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

I Masturbate Daily.

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

I gotta get down of Friday

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Run faster down hotel corridors.

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

After going to the toilet to do a S#!* I will only sit on one cheek for the rest of the day until I bathe

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.