- Things You Think Only You Do

Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

trying to piss after masturbation hurts.

Sleeping with one leg under the blanket and one out.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

I say a word and it feels like it didnt roll off of my tongue right, so I keep mouthing the word and saying it quietly to myself or in my head. Then end up saying it loudly in affirmation, possibly more than once.

Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

I like to think I'm a Lion or cat.

When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.