I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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wait til the last second to stop the microwave before it dings

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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If I'm in the car looking for an address or a street name I'll turn down the radio. Why?

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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Ur mum

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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When I'm watching a movie I have already seen I hope for a different ending but soon realize it won't happen

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Whenever I get in the shower, no matter what, I always have to pee.

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get a really delicious smelling soap or candle and feel sad when you remember you can't eat it.

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Whenever I finish reading a book, I feel a great sense of achievement.

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Courtesy flush.

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Think of all the perverted and disgusting things that I'd like to do to the women at work then feel bad for being a vile and disgusting person, then kind of feel turned on anyway lol.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Cheak the fridge every 5 minuets waiting for food to just "magicly" appear

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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Only use the left earphone.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.