if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

Courtesy flush.

Wipe a soda can after somebody else in my family drinks out of it just in case I get sick or I may feel there spit.

HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

I Masturbate Daily.

Wondering what would happen if you did something super random or inappropriate in a group setting. :)

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

i answer "why" to questions and then when someone gets pissed i say "when" Hey Jim, how's Mary? Why? Because she's your sister and I care about you. Why? Because you're my best friend. Why? STOP IT! When?

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

Fire imaginary rocket launchers at passenger planes flying overhead, then panic thinking what if it really blows up?

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

I gotta get down of Friday

Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

Run faster down hotel corridors.

When your watching a YouTube video and you have to watch an AD, you mute it and turn your head away because your just that pissed off at the company.

get under the covers and curl up into a ball to get warm really fast

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.