While trying to sleep I obsess over the little red LED on the TV set which I can't even see unless I lift my head from the pillow.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Toss something across the room toward the place it belongs, get excited when it lands upright/ perfectly in place, then immediately regret you weren't recording it.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

wipe your armpit and then sniff it to see how bad you smell

thumb_up thumb_down -15

when I go shopping I go in the store, get what I need and then I leave I don't browse.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

when i have a head or toothache...i hit it harder thinking it will stop or get better

thumb_up thumb_down -19

like it when you fart because it scratches your butt when its itchy

thumb_up thumb_down -21

wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Sometimes when I fart while sitting down, I lift one leg up.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

thumb_up thumb_down -29

When you're lying in bed and you fart, you pull the covers over your head to smell it.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When having a flog in the shower I keep checking the door to make sure noone walks in

thumb_up thumb_down -31

When I find a new song I like, I listen to it over and over and over; >>Until I run that sh*t into the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

thumb_up thumb_down -33

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Sometimes I find myself staring at the television only to realize its off.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.