get some of the lyrics to a song wrong. you know theyre wrong, but continue to sing the wrong words anyway, because the real words just don't seem to fit.

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When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

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When ever i hear music that i like i imagine im in a fight and i know martial arts with people i dont know

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Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

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After masterbating, I wonder if my dead relatives can just see what I did?

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

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Whenever I watch TV, the volume has to be on multiples of 5. Even if the perfect volume is in between.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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Link gross things with porn i.e: Think of really gross things (or friends or family) when fapping to really hot stuff ( the porn becomes ruined)

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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Hoping if I fall asleep on the couch while my family is in the room I dont have a dream about sex and wake up moaning and groaning...

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if I see submissions above mine get thumbs up but not mine I will put them down

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I strum my fingers on my other hand between the fingers on the other hand which is a fist to make a popping sound (Try it, it's really fun)

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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Only use the left earphone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.