browse the internet at school and look at shit brix and the dog with the jesus butthole appears and the teacher saw and said what are you looking at? i was banned for the rest of the term. jesse footter

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I know how to Gleek on command. (Don't know what it is just look it up.)

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I'm in the middle of a good dream but I wake up and try to go back to sleep to finish it when it never happens.

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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When watching TV shows, I always think about what I would have done differently if I was the character in that particular situation.

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I see something glittery, someone tells me not to pick it up because I'll glitter all over myself, I pick it up anyway and glitter all over myself.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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When I'm in the car I imagine I'm Superman flying along next to the car, whipping under, over and around traffic signs, trees, and fences. Sometimes I then fly up above the traffic a little. Then I get worried I will cause a traffic accident because people will be watching me instead of the road. I've done this since I was a kid. I'm 45 now and I still do it! Sometimes I'm Spider-Man, swing and jumping from truck to truck, car to car to keep moving fast along the highway. And lately, sometimes I do the Superman flying thing, but as Iron Man.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Laugh when something happens to someone, but when the exact same happens to you, you say "Its not funny"

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You question gods existence and evolution but then quickly tell herself hes real so you don't get struck with a lighting bolt

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When I'm walking on pavement or tiles I always make patterns, e.g stepping on every second tile, stepping a certain amount of times on each bit of pavement

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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I have an imaginary therapist. I talk to him in my head and he actually gives me really good answers.

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Imagining how it would feel to switch bodies with your crush

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If I have to get up early the following day I will surprisingly wake up early even without an alarm

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play Simpsons episodes in my head...way too often

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put wood glue on my hand, blow it dry and peel it off to make fake skin

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Help my dogs eat their dinner....I think the whole time, "If they only had thumbs".....

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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Spend a ton of time on the way you look and the clothes you choose, then going out in public and imagining you're a celeb.

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when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

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Wake up after a dream. About a day later you think about if it was real or not.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.