When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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go to the search engine suggestions and see what people found, then type them in to see if you get the same results

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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(1) In the middle of a conversation, I start to think of all the crazy stuff I could do even though I would never want to i.e. punching them in the face, making out with them, flashing them.

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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not eating the ends of a hotdog.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Try to move your head to line up specks on the windshield with objects outside.

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Only use the left earphone.

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.