only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Watch peoples body language and see if they're on the same pace of thought as i am and then try to speed up my thinking to pretend or act like I am realizing something they are not.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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looking at the last page of thingsyouthinkonlyyoudo.com to see how weird some people are...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.