I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

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When someone enters the room while i'm playing a game, start playing the best song of the game soundtrack so they notice it and think the game has a cool soundtrack.

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I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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When I get "interactive" commercials on my laptop screen, I like to "just shoot 4 out of 5 ducks" and feel like I have cheated the system.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Make fun of someone for something. Then realize you do the same thing

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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When you are outside, you see a small shadow moving across the ground. You think it's a ball someone threw, so you look up to catch it, only to realize it is a bird.

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Constantly hearing your name in public and asking "did you just hear my name?"

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Sometimes I'll think about something that's so weird nobody would ever do it, and then i figure there's a big chance somebody did it at least once in history.

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think of who i would kill if i found out i only had a few weeks to live. i.e. sickest criminal alive.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.