- Things You Think Only You Do

Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

Playing hide-and-seek and finding the best spot ever, only to realize you have to pee

When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

when someones child falls and cries while you walking through town and you laugh to yourself

Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

when sleeping over at someone's house, make a cringing, weird looking face while opening the fridge in the middle of the night like somehow the look on your face will change the volume of the seal breaking open

When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

Imagine I'm being filmed in a reality TV show just so I could do something productive or interesting.

Learning a definition of a word and after that seeing it everywhere.

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

When i get a back shiver. That's when i know something bad going to happen.

When I was younger, I would always try to construct some type of car by using the plastic things from Push-Ups as wheels.

I drive in the car then suddenly awake from a day dream and realize ive driven for the last 4 miles with no recollection of the journey.

When there are multiple puddles on the sidewalk you try and jump in every single one of them

Mouth words to people wearing headphones to try and get them to take them off.

Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

When something funny happens think of it a couple days later than laugh,everyone then looks at me weirdly.

When A situation Doesn't go how I wanted it to go, It annoys me so much I sometimes shit in my hands and clap.

Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.