I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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forget to breathe while listening to ear buds too loudly.

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Ur mum

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Count the number of times someone knocks on a door on television.

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Only use the left earphone.

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When I'm walking I look up at nothing in particular and it causes everyone else to look up too!

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Take pieces of loose hair and keep it in a plastic bag in my wallet so if I ever get killed and my ID stolen, my body can still be identified.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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rub your face on your legs after shaving to feel how smooth they are.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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When I'm watching something interesting on TV, sometimes i realize they I'm making a weird face so i make sure that i make my face go back to its normal position. This way, my face won't get stuck like that

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watch reality t.v. when you're feeling guilty and think to yourself "at least I'm not as bad as that"

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I think my friends are dumb! I love them so much!!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.