poke fun at somebody and pray for forgiveness the following night

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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Only use the left earphone.

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Say "Up and Down" for "Left or Right"

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Hide your I pod when your parents walk in at 12pm and then go back to what ever you were doing when they leave.

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I Masturbate Daily.

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Play my music so low in public that I can hardly hear it in my headphones for fear of others being able to hear what I'm listening to.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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I play out romantic scenarios with myself when I'm alone. We're talking full-blown just straight up talking out loud- to myself, of course. It's not that I'm lonely or anything since I did this when I had a boyfriend anyway (just to clarify, it didn't end because of this XD.) I really just feel like doing it because it's really friggin' entertaining. If you've never done it, well... it's basically like being in a really crappy, low budget soap opera, with a plot that doesn't make any damn sense, staring you as every character and the audience. That's basically the only way I could describe it lol.

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Wish that illegal Mexicans would stop driving drunk without insurance and crashing into legal citizens who pay taxes and insurance leaving us with a debt in medical bills so that we cant afford physical therapy.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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Go to bed at 9 am and then regret whole day is wasted

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Sometimes I blow my nose on yesterday's socks because it is the closest thing to the bed in the morning and I'm too lazy to get up and go for a tissue. O_o

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Whenever Terminator 2 is on tv, I become enthralled and can't stop watching even though I've seen it a million times.

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that time where you open the fridge door and stare at it for like 10 min then close it and walk away?

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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Wait until my friends are done eating lunch so I don't have to dump my tray alone.

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Trying to do things before the microwave beeps .

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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when listening to pandora just skip through the songs and hit the like or hate buttons and not listen to the music,but then when you want to listen to the music you can't because theres no wifi

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.