Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Feel really paranoid until my game score is a multiple of 5

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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sometimes when i wipe my nose a booger will get on my hand then ill get to lazy to get it off and wipe it under my chair.

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When im alone i rub myself in vasaline and pretend that im a slug on the kitchen floor.

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when i listen to music in my earphones, i always pretend its me performing the song to an audience.

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I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

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click your pen off of your desk and make it hop in the air

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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The older I get the more honest I get

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Go for a 10 mile run.

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Feel bad about hurting someone a long time ago, when I was a child, and wish I could speak to that person and say "I'm sorry." Cringe whenever the thought of the incident rises.

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Press harder on the remote when I know the batteries are dead.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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When the T.V switches to commercial sometimes I forget what I was watching Noel

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When no one is around, kick a push door open to feel like a badass.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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When I am bored and home alone, I sometimes try to recreate the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber. (P.S. Sorry if this was already submitted, I didn't see it.)

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Having the TV turned on when using my laptop or else the silence will make me feel like someone is in my house trying to kill me.

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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Sleep with pillow between legs

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.