use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -53

When you walk across a cross walk and you stretch your steps so it takes one step for each line, yet you still try to look casual because ur in public

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I have memorized my drivers license registration number

thumb_up thumb_down -55

while you put your t-shirt on, you get frightened that someone's watching you behind your shirt so you try to put it on as soon as possible.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

I like asking my wife how her SIMIANS are doing (the sims 4) because its fun watching her try to hide the fact that it annoys her. Nero, now if you thought Moral Man the Friendly neighbourhood r*pist was bad... Well, thumb me down I dare you! Seriously I totally did not have a certain bitch turkish hacker put a tracker on my laptop si I can find out where you live... And pay some guy to break your kneecaps... I only done it twice though... Here on horsehead network :) Third time is a charm ;) NERO: Actually I paid people five times, the fourth did not do his job, so I pay a fifth to FINISH HIM! (Sometimes I think people on craigslist just like to kill for the fun of it, seriously, eighty bucks?)

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

When the wind is blowing like crazy, I pretend I am the god who controls it.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

When you don't have enough money for something, you just take a tiny bit of money from your siblings and parents room at a time so they don't notice any different

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

thumb_up thumb_down -83

When theres a sex scene in the movie I like to jack off to see if I would last as long as the man -deadpool (yogurt)

thumb_up thumb_down -83

....you're high and you think you write complete bullshit?

thumb_up thumb_down -89

I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

thumb_up thumb_down -121

Make up a song to yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down -157

When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

thumb_up thumb_down +62

Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Analyzing what could be wrong or false about your religion and God, then shooing the thoughts away in fear you won't get into Heaven.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

touching something (like a crack in a wall) and then thinking to yourself that your the only person thats ever touched it..

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Do a little half laugh, then when someone looks at you, you realise that it wasn't even funny so you pretend to be clearing your throat.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

it is not disgusting to bite your toe nails, it is a skill

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Use my phone to see what time it is

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Seeing an acquaintance who you would feel awkward talking to in a public place, knowing they see you as well, and pretending not to see them, while hoping they pretend not to see you as well.

thumb_up thumb_down

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.