Sometimes I look at security cameras and start to act suspiciously like I'm up to something... but really... I'm not.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When alone at home turn on all the lights before it gets darker.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I still hum songs that I made up when I was a little kid

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Nero the clit collector. What+ you never collected stamps, coins or something? YOUR CRIMES! WHAT ARE YOUR CRIMES FOR FUCKlNG CRIMES SAKE ETC.

thumb_up thumb_down -26

When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

thumb_up thumb_down -28

When you're in a public place, make up conversations between strangers. Example: Man to wife: Let's get out of here. There's no place to sit. Wife to man: Honey, we just got here. Man to wife: Maybe you didn't understand, Martha. There's no place to sit.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Imagine your in action movies and die for a girl while your lying there trying too sleep and realising you are deep in thought about something that your too chicken to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Before going to bed look around the dark room and when you see something suspicious you have a look to see its not a person

thumb_up thumb_down -30

Stop singing about weed when you see a cop car.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

acting as if you can shoot with a banana

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I have to stop the Microwave on 0 but before it beeps or I'm not going to get what I want in life. OCD MUCH

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

thumb_up thumb_down -38

I don't read the terms of service.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

Turn the door knob while closing the door ...so it doesn't make a loud noise.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.