Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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when you wake up in the morning to a text and you read it with one eye open

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Sitting down in the shower

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Picking my nose.

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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I love to garden and I love flowers. I refuse to have a window box because I don't want those creepy Sesame Street twiddlebugs to live that close to my house.

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Flush the toilet before you finish peeing

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Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

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I TALK WITH PEDOBEAR ABOUT OUR BUSINESS ;)

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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Love to check my astrological compatibility with my favorite musicians.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Intentionally utilize uncommon vocabulary to replace colloquial slang for the pure purpose of entertainment (for oneself). :D

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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make it a point of interest to know every word to a song that nobody likes. (i.e. call me maybe) >.>

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accidently sleep on my arm and it falls asleep

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.