Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Rub a pen tip between my fingers.

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Just think about this. I do. What if we are all a character from The Sims and there is someone controlling us as their character and we never really did anything by our own choice. Creepy.

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When I see a post on this site with a single downvote I start to feel guilty and give the person an upvote because I feel sorry for them.

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When home alone and you hear a noise getting out a gun/weapon.

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When I'm laying in bed in the dark and I close my eyes for a while then when I open them again I quickly scan for a light source just to make sure I can still see.

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Pulling the same faces as the character you are reading currently is.

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Emmy Jackson Y U ALWAYS ANGRY WHEN SOMEONE SAY HI

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moving your hand with objects that are already moving and pretending you have the force.

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Picking your dogs booger for him/her

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That feeling you get where you slip on something but you save yourself just in time and your just like "holy crap, i almost cracked my head and died," then two minutes later your legs are still shaking

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Instead of reading the sunday comics, I read the nutrition facts on the cereal box.

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Look at my poo before I flush it.

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Get turned on when you see a girl yawn

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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after seeing toy story, and watching that toys moved and talked to each other when the humans werent around, thinking that toys are really like that when you gone, and when you go back to you room, the toys rush back into their spots.

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After eating a sandwich, eat the leftover sesame seeds one-by-one.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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Have one of those days where you think it is just a dream but then reality takes over

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use the hair drier to dry my balls after shower

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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When im out with my dad in the car i swear traffic lights always seem to go to red when were coming

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.