cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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When im alone in my car i talk to myself about lifes issues

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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Thinking ambient thoughts while fondling myself into a semi hard-on.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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Sometimes, I wonder why god or the big bang ever existed in the first place and why there is a universe in the first place ... And it makes my brain hurt!

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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Sometimes I think that if we play with dolls, maybe we're just dolls that someone is playing with and creating lives for.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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Whenever I go to close the door to my room, I give the wall opposite me a hard, intimidating stare just in case an invisible person was watching me.

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Scratching with the wife's/girlfriends hair brush.

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Be a loner at school

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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When I fart in public, I always pretend that nothing ever happened.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Taking your headphones/earbuds off a lot to see if your music is playing loudly. Or to see if other people could possibly hear it

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I'm not bad looking and I don't fall into the beautiful category either but I really feel good about the way I look

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When I was a kid and I misbehaved when my dad used to smack me I would put emphasis in my cries to let him think that I got the lesson.

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Wanting to change your name to Peter Jankins

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shit corn, even though i havent recently eaten corn.

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get a new *to you* car, and suddenly every other car on the road is the same make/ model..... hey look! an outback!

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.