For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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fall asleep in the shower.

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Sometimes when I look at a clock the seconds hand ticks backwards

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When at a restaurant you practice your order inside your head, then when you actually have to order you mess it up.

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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in a grocery store, only walking on the colored single tiles the entire time your in there pretending there small cliffs without touching the white one otherwise you fall and fail.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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I go to the fridge, see that there is nothing I want to eat in it, and then go back to it a minute later hoping that something I like has materialized

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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Try to think of something nice when then thinks I the scariest things

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.