I have just one thing to say to all the women who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Cover the built in webcam on my laptop when I'm using it with a folded piece of paper just in case

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Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

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Pretending you're a badass character from an anime or movie when listening to rock music (or something similar)

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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worry about getting a little butt sweat mark on a chair if you've been sitting in it too long while its hot.

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You are thinking of really awkward moments that happened earlier in the day so then you subconsciously say a bunch of random things quickly out loud to get the thought of the awkward moment out of your head.

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I only EVER take my watch off if I need tto put on big gloves, like cricket gloves.

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Never step on manholes, because I'm afraid to fall in.

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I don't like being told what I will do or how I will feel.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to watch lava lamps heat up

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Run faster down hotel corridors.

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Sing every word to Bohemian Rhapsody every time you hear it in the most dramatic way possible.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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When posting these, I'm rarely able to read the words/letters in the box that prove you're human and not some computer virus. Now I'm starting to think I'm not a human......

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Playing a sad song that talks about your current situation and then looking in the mirror or out the window pretending you are in a sad music video.

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Chew as quietly as possible when eating cookies but as loud as possible when eating fruit.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.