Read the time on your watch, then after a few minutes, read it again because you forgot it.

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Having to poop in a certain way to avoid your ass sucking it in again. If it all comes out in one go, the cleaning becomes a lot easier and more satisfying.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Write angry notes into your search browser in case any Russian spies are watching.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -63

When I see a pregnant woman I can't help but think "she had sex"

thumb_up thumb_down -63

Start walking down a busy street or mall, and realise I've gone the wrong way. Suddenly stop and pretend to read something on my phone for a few seconds before turning round and walking the right way.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

When I watch porn, I only watch like the first 5-10 minutes of it. To be honest I wonder why people bother making them longer too.

thumb_up thumb_down -67

Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Write a word then wonder if it's spelt with an i or and e so just put them both in but do it in such a way that the person reading it won't know whether you didn't know the spelling or misspelled it then realized your mistake and tried to fix it.

thumb_up thumb_down -69

I get mad at women because they menstruate and that's gross. I don't judge one woman individually for it, but I'm disgusted with the whole gender, which leads to being almost disgusted with myself for being attracted to them.

thumb_up thumb_down -71

I can't piss with my shoes on.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I hate it when people assume I'm smart just because I don't speak much and I wear glasses.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

(okay maybe not a thing I do but something I noticed) When people call themselves "Writers" In today's world you know that might not be the case because we have computers so shouldn't they be called typers?

thumb_up thumb_down -73

When I was little I used to cover myself all the way up and put pillows around me, then ask my sister if she could see me, trying to be invisible when I sleep just in case someone breaks into my house at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -73

I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

thumb_up thumb_down -77

You see someone do something cool and imagine doing it in front of all your friends

thumb_up thumb_down -77

I really hate the sound of sqeaking balloons

thumb_up thumb_down -85

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -89

(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Sitting on toilet after pooping without wiping for longer than a minute because your in your phone.

thumb_up thumb_down -93

When dunking oreos I like to hold it under the milk and watch the bubbles til they stop

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Sometimes when someone says something to me, I will hear them perfectly clear, but I will instinctively say "what?"

thumb_up thumb_down -131

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.