If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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.don't congratulate someone on facebook until someone other does, because maybe it's a fail.

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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Being able to think about great ideas for the world, but not being able to get a math problem done.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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When you cringe as you walk out of a store because you're paranoid the door will beep...

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try to make myself sneeze because I like the feeling I get when I do

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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When the good guy in a movie is in a bad situation, I imagine myself doing something different that seems more legit.

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not be afraid of hurricane sandy

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When you think about your life then think your parents had to have sex to make you. Then start thinking about all the gross old teachers you've had that probably had sex. Then when you get older your parents tell you about all the times they had sex when you were in the house.

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Pretend to listen to music, but just do it so nobody talks to me or i simply just ignore them.

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I wonder what a baby is laughing about when they are apparently being entertained by something in the room I can't see

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Whenever I hear a baby or a young child scream very loud, I imagine that their head will explode.

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Drink out the carton (your whole family prob does it)

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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I take a dump and then look to see how big it is.

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never wanting to poop in other houses. You have to use your toilet

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I DO wish I had the ability of the guy in the comment below me. Moral: Yeah I have to type moral down here, because its awesome and because whatever its awesome!

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Pull your headphones away from your ear when you're listening to music to see if it's too loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.