only read the short jokes on this website

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Sometimes when I'm sitting still I visualize myself being able to move myself using my mind.

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

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OMG have you ever realized that one of your eyes is showing everything more reddish and the other one showing everything more bluish just like these old 3d glasses

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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I have to sleep with my bottom lip stuck to the pillow or my hand so I can breathe.

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I can't piss with my shoes on.

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Sometimes I wonder why I smell even though I remember putting DO on. I become embarrassed because there is a girl next to me. I hope she cannot smell it. Finally I realize its not me. It's her.

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after i take a poop i stand up turn around and piss on my poop to try to split it in half

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filling your mouth with water in the shower and spitting it at the wall.

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Sometimes when I'm bored I start shouting things in German.

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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I have minions that do what I want because pleasing me makes them happy. Moral: I control, the way you move, how do you like my grove zerg dude?

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Make up a song to yourself.

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When you like your own comment or status', but then you feel kind of pathetic for doing it so you unlike it.

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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Wondering if your life is a TV show, and people are watching what you do.

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I doodle on everything I get that can be doodled on, even my exams :)

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

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When i was a kid. I really dont care about the story of any animated film. As long as im watching it.

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I wonder what it wonder be like to have a really tall girlfriend?

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.