When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

only read the short jokes on this website

Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.