When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Walking around on the streets wondering if you are really walking in place, and the earth is spinning according to how you walk, like a treadmill.

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The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

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Everytime my sibling starts a sentance with "I remember when","I have an idea"etc.,I get up and walk out.

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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When a passneger in the car, I sing songs in my head and hope the song is in time with the signs and streetlights as I drive past them.

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Peel my mandarin oranges in one try

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When I'm walking and I step on a crack with my left food, the next time I step on a crack it has to be my right foot and vise versa. I can't step on a crack twice in a row with the same foot. But I don't have to step on every crack.

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Sit on the back of the commode when at work to give yourself an impromptu break.

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Try to figure out if some of the posts were written by the same person.

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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only read the short jokes on this website

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Looking at something suggestive on your computer and worrying that someone else in your family can see what you're doing on their computer.

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Lay between the wall and the bed when the bed is pefectly fine

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Sneeze for a few minutes when I've eaten too much.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.