When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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When I haven't looked in a mirror for a while, I worry that I look awful, and when I get to a mirror, I'm like "Oh yeah, that's what I look like".

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Sometimes I reflect on my life and just feel humiliated.

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I often think about how I am a thing inside of a body

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When I'm on a site that requires you to login with Facebook or Twitter to leave a comment, I click on the names of the nice looking ones to go see their pages to add them to my friends list.

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fart and then breathe it in really quick hoping no one else smells it first

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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use tweezers to pull out leg hair or armpit hair out of sheer boredom.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Reading all these posts and being reminded that we are all more similar to each other than we think, regardless of whatever group each of us may belong to.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

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I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

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after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

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I am 23 and I know how to spell "STORK"

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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Get annoyed when I click on the "popular" button and it's always the same things.

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whenever I use a public stall I pretend Im not there to avoid unwanted attention

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Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.