Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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I asked telemarketers for their home number so I can call them at home and disturb THEM while they're relaxing with THEIR family

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Whenever on a car ride, pretend you are in a military convoy and shoot at pursuing helicopters and soldiers.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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Think of the most awkward or dreadful thing you could possibly do in any given situation and be almost compelled to do it but then realising that you could never show your face anywhere ever again if you did.

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When a book is boring, i will think of my favouite song and then i will start singing the book, like i will look at the words and ligit, start singing them in my favourite tune~im so weird

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Tell myself that I'm only going for a 20 minute nap and end up sleeping for 1/+ hour(s)...

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Eat the last bowl of ice cream. Then 6 hours later, you wish you hadn't. (sometimes even open the fridge and check whether you actually ate it or not)

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I flush the toilet if the water's green and I'm going to have a poo, so it doesn't splash me.

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I always ask myself "Why am I me?". But have never come up with a good answer.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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I'm a guy and I like to wear swimwear as underwear

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I don't read the terms of service.

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only read the short jokes on this website

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see a old couple in the street and think," i wonder if he still bangs her" lol

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because f*ck the NSA.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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test how many stares you can scale in one step

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Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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I feel strange when I look at someone and think ''This person has had sex''

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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When I see lost posters of native parrots I always wonder how could I find 1 in a million

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Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.