turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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I often try to visualise and merge my faces with various girls i could potentially fall for, just to assess how our future children would look like.

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When I'm sitting on the toilet, I try to make piss and crap come out at the same time.

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I make sims of everyone I know and make them have kids together.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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I used to think that if the earth was completely smoothed flat and you had a really powerful telescope if you looked through it you would see yourself looking through the telescope.

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feel like im being watched turn my head sideways and see someone suddenly look away.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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I think Frozen is an overrated film

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Pretending there is a man running beside you during a long car journey and jumping over obstacles

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Masturbate. Sometimes two or three times a day.

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Pick your butt and then wipe your hand/fingers somewhere hoping that the smell dosn't stick to you and that no one smells it....

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a hardon and make people think it's that big all time.

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Wonder if the life your living is one long dream and your gonna wake up and be some type of alien.

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I talk through my teeth when i am talking to my pets.

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Stopping the microwave at 1 second because it's late and you don't want to be loud.

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Picking my nose.

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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Fake an orgasm after only 30 seconds, watch the "wtf" look on her face then laugh hysterically.

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Believing in the kindness of strangers

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Scratch inside my ear, then lick the finger I used.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.