I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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Use the massaging shower head on my anus to power blast the poop plaque away

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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If someone high fives me on one hand, I need to high five the other one too, or I feel uneven.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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Tells a joke only you thought was funny and still laughs then laughs harder because your the only one laughing nikki

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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While at the movies, grab and eat your popcorn with your tongue and pretend you are a lizard.

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Pretend I'm a back-up dancer or singing a duet with the singer of the song I'm listening to.

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Sometimes I have something I want to do and then walk into the room to do it in and forget exactly what I was trying to do, it usually involves the kitchen so I just look in the refrigerator then leave and then remember what it is I wanted to do.

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When I'm making a weird face, I remind my self to stop before it gets stuck like that.

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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When standing in long lines (stores, banks etc..) I think about how other people would react if I puked all over the place with no warning.

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I like to watch people and imagine different stories that could explain why they're doing whatever it is that their doing.

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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When I get in the car I look in the backseat for monsters or psychopathic killers and as I am turning to check I say out loud 'Oh, maybe my book is in the backseat, let me check' so the monster or killer doesn't know I'm really looking back there for them. That way they might not kill me.

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You always go to the corner of the shower when the cold water is running.

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When I look at a clear blue sky, I'm convinced that I see little tiny floaty things, and think that I'm seeing air molecules.

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Wonder what random strangers look like or noises and such they make while having sex. Everyone literally. People you interact with at work , customers, your boss, the married couple. Except for people who are like dirty looking af. Our just straight up ugly. Then your like grossed out by those thoughts your having and start getting that home sickfeeling in your stomach. Almost like butterflies but like dead ones or something. Hard to explain.

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Vote up your own websites posts, to make them look more popular!

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When I am driving and I see another car being pulled over I think "Oh, so I am not the only one"

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Sometime when I'm alone, I like to fill my bathtub with marinara sauce and pretend I'm a meatball.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.