only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

thumb_up thumb_down -73

Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

when you're walking down the streets and you listen to your iPod, you pretend you're part of the music video for that song and when no ones looking, lip sync to the lyrics, as if the camera man's filming you >.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

I **** with no hands.

thumb_up thumb_down -75

Layer the water in the toilet with toilet paper, so when I poo the water does splash back up and splatter poo and water all over my bum

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Whenever you shave, you make sure you cut both ends of your moustache, leaving a small patch in the middle above your lips. Then you pretend to be Hitler ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -77

Walk down the street, listening to a song, singing it softly, then thinking 'I might wanna stop doing that before I look awkward', but the wires get crossed and you start singing LOUDER and so on.

thumb_up thumb_down -79

Imagine a little person trapped and about to be crushed in the progress bar.

thumb_up thumb_down -83

i try to spit onto my line of piss while going to the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -85

When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

thumb_up thumb_down -91

when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

thumb_up thumb_down -91

I like to go out without shoes on hot days and play the floor is lava

thumb_up thumb_down -107

I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

thumb_up thumb_down -107

If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Write something down here so that it seems like you think its normal when your actually really paranoid that its not.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.