walking up steps in the dark and you think you've gotten to the top but there's actually one more step and you panic because you think your going to fall

thumb_up thumb_down -44

after taking a dump i always still smell a little bit of poop and i wonder if other people smell it too

thumb_up thumb_down -46

I have tried jumping in an airplane to see if I fall in the same spot

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Sometimes I think my shit smells delicious... and I cant believe I am actually not only typing it here, but "finally" admitting it to myself.

thumb_up thumb_down -46

Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

thumb_up thumb_down -48

I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

thumb_up thumb_down -50

Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

thumb_up thumb_down -50

standing at the mall with your group talking, you all decide to start walking to a store, start to follow but half the group stays behind for a few seconds then they start walking, walk a slower pace only to find out that you're in the middle of your split groups e.g. 3 in front 4 behind...dont know which one to merge to......wait for your group to collaborate back together.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Drive slow in straightaways and fast through curves, especially sharp ones.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

I rehearse arguments in my head.

thumb_up thumb_down -52

Put the porn sound in a really low volume even when you have headphones, just to make sure noone can hear it. Then take off the headphones once in a while to check if it sounds too loud.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

sometimes *sigh* sometimes I-I-I-I feel like the third or fourth most useless invention! Moral: BUAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Being stuck in a traffic jam and wishing I could just apparate

thumb_up thumb_down -60

Check every spoon fork and knife in the silverware drawer for spots or old food before you choose which one to eat with

thumb_up thumb_down -60

When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

thumb_up thumb_down -60

So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

thumb_up thumb_down -62

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -62

Discovering your friend is an indian (Nicole)

thumb_up thumb_down -62

I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When passed by a very attractive girl in the street, turn around and look after her and/or follow her to the next street corner, in order to grasp more of her beauty.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

When you're walking and think of something funny and start laughing, but you don't want people to think you're weird, so you pull out your phone and pretend you're texting.

thumb_up thumb_down -68

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.