Accidentally scratching a surface and then scratching it again with the tops of your fingernails to even it out.

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I try to sympathize when some celebrity butthole has problems but, I can't.

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When I am making submissions to this site I sometimes accidentally put them in the comment section

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taking your t shirt or sweatshirt off quickly so nothing gets you while its over your face

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Fart at work when I'm pretty sure no one will come to that area soon.

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Click an invisible pen I think is in my hand but is not constantly everyday.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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Ur mum

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Wishing you were living in that time when men were still gentlemen. Holds doors, brings flowers, chooses you over job.

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i get an headache when i each cheese. but i don't get one when i have pizza or cheese and onion crisps

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Realizing that I can just yell out the word "Fuck!" and no one can stop me.

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Leftovers are better than the actual meal ;)

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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(I have made this mistake mostly when I'm at the movies) When the cashier gives me the ticket and says enjoy the movie because I am so used to people saying have a nice day I say you too!(FACE PALM)

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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get really freaked out when your in a parking lot and the car next to you starts backing up and you think your moving forward.

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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wake up in the middle of the night and write your dream if you like it. Or just write all night and dont sleep all night for days at a time.

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Hang something small in front of the webcam, in case someone is secretly watching me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.