Thinking your life is a movie...

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Thinking about a situation someone else in the world might be in. For example, Someone dying and the pain they must be going through.

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When I am at amusement parks I look and determine which guys I could beat up and which I couldn't.

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Everytime aplane is flying low you think it's going to crash right in front of your eyes

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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I find that whenever I go somewhere it always seems to take longer than when I come back home

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I was not born in the country I am living in now

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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laugh whenever I see an infomercial where the hosts glorify their products to the point where it seems like they have found Jesus it is hilarious.

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Pretend my ski pole is a gun while I'm on the chair lift. Or just any object around when I'm not skiing.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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If I get lost while driving, the first thing I do is turn down the radio.

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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check to see if post has any likes right after posting it. then have second thoughts about it.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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feel like your calculator is judging/making fun of you for looking up simple equations

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Take your laptop to the toilet with you, as a modern day equivalent of the newspaper.

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Sitting down on the toitlet to pee (being a male). It's so comfortable when you're tired. Also: Wonder if there's a female version of this, where girls stand up to take a piss. Just curiosity.

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Glance at your friend beside you, smile to yourself, and think, "I could murder them."

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Leave the fan on at night just in case you feel to warm.

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Hate when people ask "do you have a bathroom?" It's like "no we crap in the yard!"

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.