Until just recently, I thought apple juice was made by the pee of the company. Just that they added sugar.

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I sometimes start thinking about very non sexual things in the middle of masturbation, like what I'm going to wear the next day.

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Stop at the beginning of an escalator, and let the stairs drag you forward by just your toes.

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acting as if you can shoot with a banana

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turn off the tv by accident and then turn it on only to find that it takes forever to work again

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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If I'm walking with or behind someone I always match their footsteps

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Try to find the perfect stride length so you don't have to walk all weird to avoid stepping on a sidewalk crack. Fail miserably but keep walking weird.

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Add numbers on license plates of cars around me while waiting at a light.

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Sometimes when I kill a bug, i wrap it up in a giant wad of paper towels, put it in a plastic sandwich bag, THEN throw it away. just in case...

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Waiting with a friend the microwave countdown finish and when comes to 0 shout "Happy New Year!" and we hug each other

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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After reading something from this site, I find myself compelled to try it.

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Sometimes when I look in the mirror I act out a scene like Tyra banks coming up to me and asking me to be on America's next top model.

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I'm a man. When I'm watching a movie with my wife and it has a sad ending. I allways have to cry but moments before the actual end has come I allready start to snif my nose so that she thinks I have a cold and do not have to cry about the ending of the movie.

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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When you are reading a book and find that you are narrating the words you read in the book, to yourself. You feel weird, so you try to stop doing this by reading further or focusing more on the book.

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Ask me if an outfit makes you look fat? I'll say VERY!

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually in a coma and that everything is just a dream and my parents are standing over me watching me and wishing their daughter was awake

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.