For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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RE:" pee on the side of the toilet" you dont pee on the side of the toilet so it isn't loud. you pee on the side so it doesn't splash on you're legs as much.

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eat cake in a bowl with milk the way you would eat a bowl of cereal

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Say the Lord's name in vain, then say "sorry God" under my breath right after.

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When masturbating at night, looking at the window paranoid that someone is watching. But stopping or moving out of view.

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Look in the fridge 10 times without eating anything

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doesn't eat meal until desired tv show starts.

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Paranoid someone is reading your mind, so you think something weird to see if they look at you

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If my SOLVE media is too long I refresh it to give me a shorter one

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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jump down the stairs when im almost down to save time

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When I walking the same direction as other people, I secretly race them and do the sports commentry in my head

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Burglars have become very clever. Just last night my wife turned to me and said that she hears burglars downstairs so I got up quietly checked every room suddenly I realised that I don't have a wife.

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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Think what would I be doing if I was someone else

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Whenever I accidentally drop a glass or cup it always bounces the first time but breaks the second

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Pretend like i'm having a conversation with someone talking to somebody on a phone, and randomly say something to go with what the person says.

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Something that bothers me is when a movie sequel comes out and for whatever reason the same things from the first movie happens so they just end up making the same movie

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expecting to get on this website to find something funny but instead finding crappy posts.

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Having more dificulty thinking in your native language than your 2nd or 3rd one. Or 4th one. Or... the rest. I highly doubt that one's common.

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carry my cat by holding it's front and back legs

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Deside to watch a video in bed on your phone or iPad and drop it on your face...

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Get soo scared in the shower when your home alone that you are scared to open the curtain just incase somebody is out tthere

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.