start telling someone a story and then realize that i would only be funny if they actually saw it.

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Pay attention to commercial breaks to see if there is ever a break without an advertisement about cars or new movies coming out

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HEY! YOU! Yeah you! I can speak you only, NO! Nobody else here! Yeah you only you, by the way you are a dirty piece of s**t you mothe* F**ker! YEAH ITS YOU! I HATE YOU! EVERYBODY HATES YOU YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *end of special message just for you*

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I have autofocus in my eyes.

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I blow my nose in my towel after i dry off. Then use the same towel the next day. lol

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Reading your facebook posts that you wrote a year ago or more, and think of how stupid you were at that time.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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only drink milk from a freshly opened carton

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Pretending I'm on my cellphone in public.

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Thinking you're very popular after you have owned someone at school.

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Go to fart while you have the flu, only to find out it wasn't a fart at all....

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scratch that bit between my balls and arse when it gets itchy, then carry on scratching for ages cos it feels so damn good

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(Men) When you have to poop and pee at the same time, you stand to pee, and THEN sit to poop. Just out of principle.

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Sometimes I wait a long time to pee when I really have to go. It feels good.

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I like to lather my entire body with Nutella and put paper in my hands and stand there acting like a tree.

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Laying alone in bed at night and then every single scary thought, face, image, movie, or whatever starts playing in your mind.

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When you're walking along at night and you see the moon, then you move around quickly,still looking at it as if you're controlling it.

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Talking to yourself in your head so you don't seem so crazy.

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masturbate as soon as the opportunity arrises. "You'll be home alone all day" "Ok, bye.....*fap fap fap*"

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Sometimes I accidentally move my mouth in a way where it suddenly makes a random farting noise so I immediately just make more obviously made fart noises just so people wont think I actually farted. Is that only me?

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Invented a special password for yourself in order to recognize yourself if travel through time.

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Say something smart in class, then worry your friends will rip ony uo for it half way through saying it, so end it by saying "or something like that."

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I can't step on the cracks of sidewalks.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.