A mix of Slenderman and Herobrine would be the ideal husband for me. >:)

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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I try to say something, but a bunch of people are talking at the same time so I yell at them to shut up and as soon as I say something I realize I was wrong so I say"okay" as calm as possible to keep from looking like a douche

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That awkward moment when you thought the other person opened the door for you to go in first, when it was actually for that person.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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When no one is home, I poop with the door open, just because I can.

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When I Download A Song Or Movie And The Download Speed Slows Down I Think The FBI Is Tracking Me.

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I put a cigarette lighter in a fireplace, anyone else?

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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I can understand (insert language) but for the life of me I can't speak it.

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Tryng to run away from, or at least be faster than my shadow.

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When you have a stuffy nose, and you put tissue in one nostril so you can breathe.

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in burgers, you eat until you have only a few bites left, then you eat the bun and then the insides

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I scratch and sniff.

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turn the cover of a magazine around because i have a weird paranoia that the government slipped in tiny cameras on the eyes of the person in the cover.

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Sometimes when I'm laughing really hard I awkwardly clap my hands.

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When someone close to me sadly passes on and later when I am listening to the radio if I hear a song that sounds suitable to that moment I kind of make that our song if that makes sense to any of you

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I randomly hold my boobs in my room.

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When playing a game you refer to the kid you don't know as "kid" - ar2

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Being in the car and wondering if your parents can read your mind so you think "If you can here me cough in 3, 2, 1..." Sometimes my dad actually does it and he looks back at me and smiles. .-.

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when you're fapping and thinking about someone, you either get a text from them moments later, or stop thinking about them because you feel like they are reading your mind.

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Sometimes I turn on my bedroom fan at night just so i can use heavier blankets.

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I get more creeped out the more I read the comments here, especially as the comments start getting really low thumbs ups.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.