only read the short jokes on this website

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i pull for the chicken when peter and the chicken fight on family guy cause peter is a jackhole

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I tend to ignore phone calls, even when I know the phone call could be important.

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When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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Smoking in the shower.

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when passing someone in a car beside you, you try to wonder where they are going just by looking at them, their clothes or their expressions

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Blow into the shower head when I'm taking a shower to make what sounds like jet noises

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I keep on trying to imagine how long eternity is for when I go to Heaven. It never ends...

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Cringe when remembering something weird about you that happened years ago

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I think something is gonna get me at night when I walk out of my brothers roomso I look behind me and run and usually bump into a wall

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Panic when your car alarm goes off while you are going to get in because you suddenly look like a criminal.

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I rehearse arguments in my head.

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Go outside to meet a friend but he cancelled so you stay in your garage so your parents don't know you're there

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Use the letters on my phone to make words to help me remember important numbers

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Hate when I can't sleep and the sun starts to come up and I hear birds chirping and i get worried and just realize that I should be happy that it's a new day and to relax.

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When listening to a song with headphones or on the radio i sing the harmonies or make them while they sing the lead

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When you are thinking, and you think about what you are thinking. You are automatically purposely thinking until you stop thinking about it. I am thinking about thinking about how I think right now. I think...

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I twerk in the mirror to see how much my ass jiggles

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I waTch 2 GIRLS AND 1 CUP AND I FAPPED THOSE BITCHES MANY TIMES! HELL YEA! /M\

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When well dressed, someone ask me what I do for a living, I say nothing and watch the confused look come over their face.

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trying not to laugh when reading things that you do in "Things You Only Think You Do" in fear your parents will mistake your laughter as you fapping.

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So has anyone else ever been in the middle of doing something and at the exact moment something happens and you sort of wonder if it happened because of what you did.

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Whenever I'm outside playing a sport or something I pretend I have a tv show and I'm giving the audience a tutorial on how to do whatever I'm doing.

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Think of something to post but cant put it into words.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.