When I piss in the toilet (naw, naw in the microwave, god) I try to pee on one side so the bubbles spin around the flush to see if it keeps spinning

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when im lying in bed and fart i bring the blanket up to my nose and smell it. And nod in approval..

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Start to cry when your alone, but stop yourself because you don't want to look like a pussy.

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I love myself, my wife, the threesomes, and I STILL spend time with you! Moral: Which must mean YOURE WINNER! AND STUFF! Either that or you are a sad fuck, cant argue...

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If im taking a crap in the public washrooms and someone walks in I try to make covering noise as soon as its about to plop.

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Find a really good joke on the internet and pretend you came up with it to make your friends think you're funny

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Still sitting on the toilet 20 minutes after you're done crapping... you're not alone.. -Professor.

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At work or in public and I am wearing snug pants I think sexy thoughts so I'll have half a harding and make people think it's that big all the time.

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right after I turn the shower off I jump up and down to get rid of the extra water all over me...

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Sniff or tap to a rhythm to some sort of beat I composed in my head...

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Air guitar to a song of how you think it would be on a Guitar Hero game.

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I take a poop and then stand up to pee because I'm a man

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when you're in the car, look outside and count every single lamp-post until the car stops

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Use my phone to see what time it is

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Stab myself on a daily basis

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Be best friends with someone and tell them all your secrets and then they become best friends with someone else and you hope they won't tell your secrets

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Spend ages searching for a porno (normally about 40 minutes), search through it for the best bit, finish and think "what was the point of all that"

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Run into a wall and say "I'm sorry" and then realize that it's just a wall.

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pull out a flies wings and let it go

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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when you've done everything you wanted to do on the internet and stop and just stare at the screen.

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I pee on the bathroom sink everytime, because I am lazy to open the toilet, even when I visit other people, sorry friends and family =)

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I am a masculine guy but in private I listen to very sensitive songs. ie: careless wispers

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.