Sometimes I get annoyed when I realize none of my friends ever eat vegetables or drink anything but sugary soda`s and are somehow as healthy, sometimes even healthier than me.

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whenever i'm holding a kitchen knife, i feel super weird like i'm gonna stab someone.... its not like i would ever do that, but i think about what would happen if i just impaled the person that is standing near me with a huge knife.

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When at Burger King, McDonalds etc. I always finish the drink before the food so that I still have the taste of the food in my mouth when I'm finished.

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Thinking that out there, on this earth in a lost city, there is an awesome clone of you.

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If I'm at work and have to poop, when I get in the stall I look under the opening at the bottom for any other feet in the other stalls to make sure I am alone. I always think what if when I do that someone else does it at the same time.

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Turn off light in bed... notice something you haven't seen before. IT'S SLENDERMAN You turn the light back on and realized it was a lamp

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Sing along to the radio in the car then stop at a red light when you realize other people can see you more easily.

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cussing someone out on a video game only to realize that your mic is off

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watch lesbian porn instead of normal because you hate have other men in the picture

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My login password is INCORRECT so if I forget it my computer will say "your password is incorrect"

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thinking "what if people can read my mind" then cant stop thinking dirty things about people around me

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i absolutely hate the number nine, and when i told my brother this i was like "sometimes i wish i could delete the number 9" and hes like "but then youd have 9 numbers" and i was like..... "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU"

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When you start wondering if you're in a dream and suddenly feel trapped

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Spread my butt so poop comes out easier.

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When I have my headphones in, and I'm miming the words to a song in the bathroom pretending that I'm playing a gig. I put the tap on to make sure no one hears me dancing.

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Can't stop tears from comeing to your eyes when singing

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Criticize a porn novel for its poor use of the English language

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Pretend the legs of a chair are the barrels of a mini gun while moving them.

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When I'm at home alone, I feel like people are watching me through my windows, so I act completely civil.

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Without thinking i ask questions i know the answer to

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Whenever I get sweaty I put baby powder around my groin area and under arms. Ramos

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How funny would it be if plants were trying to kill us but they move too slow to get us

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Before going to the bathroom, check behind the shower curtains for serial killers.

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I pretend I'm a really popular YouTuber and talk to nobody thinking they're my subscribers.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.