run inside after taking out the trash because a monster might be hiding in the big trash can

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you know how everyone talks about making life decisions in the shower and thinking about life?.....yeah thats me on the toilet

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Receiving or finding something cool in your dream, then waking up thinking you have it and realize you don't.

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I plant my feet firmly when the subway approaches in case a random stranger tries to kill me by pushing me in front of the train.

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While waiting on someone I check my phone and if there is no new message I just read old ones, just to be occupied and don't look stupid or lost

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Find yourself alone at a party/gathering of some sort... Pretend to send a text to make people think you're not a loner.

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Make scary faces in the mirror and try to scare myself

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instinctively thumb down long posts without reading them.

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I always twist my washcloth into a cone shape, so when I take my next shower it is dry and hardened. Then I pretend stab it into my stomach and say "MY LIFE FOR AIUR!" before getting it wet again.

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Stuff 13 chips in my mouth when no one is looking, bite 1 chip in half and chew it for 30 seconds when someone is looking.

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Whenever i am watching TV my parents always walk by at the worst part like a sex scene or a dirty joke.

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Fear that the CIA is secretly wathing you.

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Sometimes I wipe my butt so violently that my finger goes through the toilet paper and into my butt hole. I enjoy it and question my sexuality. ;)

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I pretend that my actions are perceived by a past self and they're always astounded by the change I've gone through.

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When I am home alone and I hear something upstairs, I pretend my Dad is here and say really loudly, "Hey Dad! When are you going to your violent national wrestling match tonight?!"

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Flush the toilet before peeing to see if I can accomplish peeing before the water flushes away. :)

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Realizing that when you look behind a shower curtain before using the bathroom and actually see a Serial killer, you have no plan...

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When I'm on Facebook, I flip between someone's most recent profile picture and their first one, just to see how much they've changed.

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I control water in the shower.

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Think that a movie is shorter after you watch it once or twice

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Pee in the shower.

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Walking around store and store clerk asks are you finding everything ok..and you reply yes and you...

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When I was younger I would image a band that played the songs on the radio that was strapped to the roof of the car during long car rides.

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Pee sitting down so I dont have to aim

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.