Whenever people dare accuse me of being too full off myself I tell them. Moral: I cant get to full of myself, the more me, the less you, ALL THE BETTER FOR EVERYONE! WE ARE VICTORY! (except you)

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Change my name on Siri on iPhone to something hillarius and make it say my name

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Take a side of bacon and jack off watching Babe.

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when you are waiting for something to load, you go "please,please,pleas,please,please,please...." and the when it finally finishes you yell "YES!" OF COURSE, ONLY WHEN YOUR ALONE.

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I have one of those automatic shower cleaners. After I press the button, it beeps 15 times before starting. I have to get out my brush, get out the hair dryer, plug it in, and Turin it on before the 15th beep. Every time.

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I scrape the scum off my teeth with my fingernail and then I eat it.

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Always think "what if ghosts really ARE everywhere?" when I'm naked in the shower, or getting dressed, or any other private and/or embarrassing moment. Then get really freaked out and picture 6 people from 1902 watching you.

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sometimes when I listen to a song while riding in the car I look out the window and pretend I'm in some angsty music video

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When I'm watching a youtube video, I worry about how much time is left because I'm concerned the video maker won't wrap it up in time before the video ends.

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When writing out something in the air, you mess up so you "wipe" out the mistake and then move to another piece of air because it's "cleaner".

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always want to tell my friends the nightmares I had but they don't sound as horrible as they actually were spoken out loud and then get annoyed if their no tike 'OH my god! And what happened next...?'

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I can't leave the volume on anything on a odd number.

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On the train, try and mathematically make (add,subtract,multiply,divide etc.) the carriage number to get to ten

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Saying "ouch!" when someone throws something and it hits an inanimate object.. -Sarah

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when u start laughing then start clapping and look like a seal

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When I am bored, I imagine saving my crush' s life and we live happily ever after. :( what an idiot I am

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When I'm in the shower and I hear a noise I automatically think someone broke into my house and killed my family and that they're coming for me and I will have to fight off the killer naked.

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I trap my farts under the covers and sniff them all up or cup them in my hand and sniff real hard to get the smell.

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I make a joke and laugh a little but if someone else laughs then i laugh louder

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Am I the only one who wrote "free Candy" on the side of my van?

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sniff my armpit when somebody says someone stinks and shouts NOT ME lol

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When approaching a stoplight, I evaluate the vehicles in front of me to determine which ones I think will take off faster so I can get behind them.

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Repeatably look at something ugly, even if it's ugly

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When someone is reading something out loud in class...and they are reading REALLY slow...You quietly read fast and you try to beat them to the end of the paragraph

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.