After I flush the toilet, I run out of the bathroom really fast.

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Fake a yawn to see if other people will yawn back.

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Have a fantasy where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart while Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum.

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I sometimes feel the desire to grab something fragile and - not out of anger, just because it would be funny - hurl it across the room to watch it explode.

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Pee extra hard in a urinal when there's someone else in the bathroom so you don't seem weak

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I sometimes rub my scalp rapidly and watch my dandruff fall down like snow.

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get scarred shit less when some one burst though your door when it tacky

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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wonder how old the people r who right these. im 12

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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I eat ice creams from the bottom of the cone to the top.

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Turning on the dryers in the bathroom so no one will hear you peeing

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When im blazed i like of all the stupid shit i did that day but always tell myself "its fine, i didnt feel dumb about those things sober"

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when i was a kid, i lookup dirty words in the english dictionary as substitute for porn :(

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If I'm walking in the mall and realize I'm going in the wrong direction, I can't just double back, 'cause everyone would think I'm dumb for going in the wrong direction. Instead, I perform a slow U-turn to the other side of the walkway; either that or pretend to get an important text/phone call that forces me to do the quick turnaround. SAVE!

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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Own all of you hard! Moral: EXPLOSION NOISE!

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shag your mom

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Press the Microwave open button at 0:01 to feel like you defused a bomb and avoided that stupid beeping.

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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hold my shirt with my chin when i'm peeing.

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I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

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Sometimes I just space out for a period of time and completely forget that I'm breathing. Then when I snap out of it, I kind of breathe deeply because I thought I forgot to breathe.

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When peeing, if I get pee on the seat I will flush the toilet before wiping it and then see if I can quickly wipe it and toss the toilet paper in the toilet before it finishes flushing.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.