if someone i like or want to impress is around i change the song I'm listening to to something that i know they like or something not embarrassing, just in case they ask me what i'm listening to.

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When I am walking and accidentally touch a strangers hand I pretend it never happened -Marquez, P

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Whenever your going down a flight of stairs with two rails, hold the two rails and go from the top step to the bottom.

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Get distracted during fap dreams and thinking of your mom and then going OMG GROSS OH GOD IM A PERV!!

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Listening to music---You HAVE to grind you teeth along with the song.

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I ejaculate fire and glory

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When I hear the doorbell ringing and I'm not expecting anyone, I turn off the tv/music and try not to make any sound, so they think there's no one home.

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avoid going in the handicap bathroom stall because you're afraid someone will see you cause it's so big

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Tape your dick to your leg to fit into tight pants

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You laugh to yourself when you think you are alone in a street but then you notice somebody in a car looking at you.

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go to the bathroom, turn on the hot water, get undressed so that the water has time to heat up

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"Hey, did you see that new episode last night?" "Yeah!" "Do you remember that part when he ran through the city?" "Yeah!" LIES

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Leave the television on in my room when I go to bed, so I have some light and I can't hear all the creepy sounds that houses make.

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Be talking to someone about something random, then a few days later or so... something very relevant to that happens, then you think to yourself "I'm sure I can tell the future"... I'm very confident that, that is just me...

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Wally,you mean Obamney is the only choice?

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Sometimes I see on the clock, the seconds needle go back 1 second and then never do that again for the rest of the day/week or whenever I'm staring at the clock for it to happen again. -Mike

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shag your mom

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Wonder what I would have said to my dad if I knew he was going to die

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When I fart I immediately go 'Eww. Who farted? That's gross'. And I blame it on someone else, always works :)

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When I eat M&Ms, Skittles or Froot Loops, I always make sure to leave one of every color for the end so I could eat them all at once. #rainbowinmymouth

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I use chopsticks or disposable latex gloves to eat sandwiches, chocolate, basically any finger food, because in my opinion, it's impossible to get that greasy, sticky film off my fingers.

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Saying or doing something stupid, then later replaying it in your head and wanting to punch yourself in the face for it, then coming up with different ideas on how you could have been less stupid. -B

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Purposely save one piece of homework untill Sunday night in case you want to get out of doing something boring.

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When I'm peeing in the urinal, I aim to the side so it doesn't deflect back on me.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.