Not sure if im holding on to fart or shit

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Every room I go into I imagine like there's one of those DVD screen savers that bounces off the walls and i try to guess when it will hist a corner perfectly

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clean specks of sh*t in the toilet by peeing on it.

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i make loud noises so before i fart people cant hear it.

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I sometimes wonder what my past self would do differently if it knew what would be going on now

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Whenever I do something I want to tell someone about, I have to whisper it to myself before I tell them.

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I use my phone's auto-correct to make sure the words I'm writing are correct.

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Think of a bunch of "things you think only you do" after you leave the site

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wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

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When you were in elementary school you thought people laughed at Uranus because it sounds kinda like urine and then wondered why it was so funny; the two only sound remotely alike.

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Two minutes after I text the person I like, I check the message to see what time I sent it and what time the person received it, and estimate that it takes the adverage person about a minute to respond and then another minute for you to receive it. so really, if the person likes you, it would take them about 3 minutes to respond. if its five, you automatically assume they hate you.

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One time I went to my old primary school and while I was there I needed the toilet. So I go use the schools and was shocked at how small everything was I guess because I haven't been there in a while

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Yell at game shows when the people are stupid

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When ever a door is about to close I always try to put my hand between the door and stop it, but it gets to small and I get scared.

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Whenever I order a lot of food at a fast food place for myself, I order an extra drink just so they think it's for two people.

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hearing the opening theme music to Disney or 20th Century Fox or whatever and knowing what it is before you see the screen, then wondering if you should feel proud or if your a weird geek.

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i draw pictures of pokemon on comments (\____/) (??????)

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Whenever I'm doing my makeup I pretend I'm doing a makeup tutorial on Youtube.

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I start doing some of the weird things I wouldn't have thought of doing if I hadn't I read them on this website.

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Fart and walk away from the stink area very quickly so nobody will know you made it.

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Post one on this site thinking everyone will love you but then you realize you're the 2,833 person to post on this site and no one will ever see it. If this is still where it was when I posted it, then congratulations! You've read through 300 FUCKING PAGES! (that meant go get a job)

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Think of numbers as male or female.

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Show desktop when mom or dad walks in.

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Shake my hands frantically back and forth when watching the microwave count down or the printer print, as if it will make them go faster.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.