Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

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Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

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Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

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I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

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When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

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wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

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I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

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I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

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When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

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Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

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When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

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Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

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Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

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Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

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Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

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When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.