Wake up, unnaturally hungry, make meal fit for a king.

Sometime if I need to go I would go outside so I don't splash the seat

Flush the toilet right before done peeing so when you're done, the toilet and your pee has been flushed.

I never let anything go over the toilet when It's open.

When you Sitting on the couch and say "I am hungry" but then don't do anything because you are too lazy.

When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

When your best friend has a certain make/model/color car, you start seeing it everywhere you go.

wonder y nobody facebook likes or comments on these

I have an unhealthy obsession with and so always talk about Penge North Korea beige mauve and medium density fiberboard. This explains why I'm such a popular guy

I sometimes have bad dreams that for some reason I don't want to wake up from because I just want to see what happens next

When your friend tells you something, but you don't hear them so you just start laughing.

Awkward moment... Pretend to send a text.

When I go to use my laptop if my cat is sleeping in my chair I would use it somewhere else and leave her alone.

Get worried i'll sleeptalk about the things I'm thinking about and someone will hear, so stop thinking about my deep and personal thoughts i think about before going to bed.

After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

When I see something on facebook i dont like, I like it just so i can unlike it.

Clench your butt super hard to slowly let out a fart thinking no one will know.

look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

Look at restaurant signs and realize the font isnt as fancy as you once thought

Constantly refreshing the Captcha for fear that It'll be wrong and I have to redo everything I did.

Think to myself "If I would have stuck to my diet I would be at my goal weight by now"

When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

Afraid to do something your crush is doing so they don't think you're stalking them, even though you really want to. -B

When my friends talk bout a show they ask did u see the one where they did this and I nod even thow I have no idea what they're talking about

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.