When the car ride is silent, I wink with my right eye when I pass a sign on the right, and the opposite for the left. And then when there's a double yellow line, I close my eyes.

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After you wipe your butt and crotch with a towel, you dont want the towel to touch your face. Next night, dry your face and head first.

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I read your stuff at the interwebs and think "sons, I am disappoint" Moral: Lol, I just might be your father you know... But that does not mean you disappoint me anymore, I kinda expect your worst? Best? I mean... Are you doing your worst on purpose? WOW!

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When alone in a public restroom, after using the toilet I kick the lever and run away out of fear that it will splash on me.

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Waking up at 4 am wondering where your pillow went.

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put an excessive amount of lead in your pencil

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when bored, i imagine my EXACT plan for the zombie apocalypse, down to what would look cool if i was walking down a desolate street ( i am legend style) :D

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When I am in a car i always think there is massive swords coming out the edge of the car and make everything the same length up

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When I let water out the bath I swish the water so it makes a little whirlpool

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Count the number of letters in a word or phrase.

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Pretending you don't know that much about something because other people might think it would be wierd if you did. Ex: if you you knew someone's exact birthdate and you were discussing it with some one and you where like ya he looks a little older he's probably in his mid 40s or early 50s instead of just admitting you know there exact age.

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Try to think of as many as my female friends as literally possible while masturbating. Rapid Fire envisioning each one I can think of - regardless of their attractiveness - taking my load in one place or another, until I actually cum.

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Turn the light off, run, and JUMP into bed. I'm 26.

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Think of a bunch of "things you think only you do" after you leave the site

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Picking your nose to get rid of that annoying whistling in your nose when you breathe.

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Whenever I go to a new place, I look around and carefully plan my escape route in case of zombies.

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I take pains to be Anti-Democrat and Anti-Republican. Because both parties are really gross money & career machines beholden to industry. I really am middle-of-the-road on lots of issues. even though I don't understand what the fuck makes an intelligent conservative tick. but I may just be biased because it's all neo-cons on the news. idk.

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Walking into the little door at the store that people put the carts though.

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Still can't walk on cracks. If I step on the crack with one foot, the other has to as well.

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Wearing cheap CZ rings to either stop guys hitting on me or pretend I'm engaged.

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if someone posts something disgusting but true on this same site, rethink pressing the "thumbs up" button out of embaressment.

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Show up for a blind date and say DAMN, WTF! When they open the door.

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Try to pee on the toilet-paper in the toilet so it rips in half

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Sunday's are making me feel depressed.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.