Fart at home

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look around my house for something to do for what feels like an hour then look back at a clock to realize thats its only been 4 minutes

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Before I go to sleep, I imagine what it would be like dating a really hot actor or singer and think of dramatic scenarios that could happen.

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I daydream and consequently spend twenty minutes having a dump

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Naming you're offspring Peter Jankins

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Reach past the first two or three slices of bread to get the better, fresher bread towards the middle.

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I like to eat grilled cheese with ketchup

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Take out all the marshmallows in a bowl of Lucky Charms, eat the "cat food" (the dry cereal that looks like dry kitty food!), then put the marshmallows back in the milk and eat them!

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outside in the dark see a face in the tree thinks its bigfoot come to get me!

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When winking, I feel as if I have to wink with the other eye to be fair to both eyes.

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See a ridiculously hot girl and wonder to myself "who is the guy who gets to have sex with her. And why does she like him?" As if that can help me bag an equally hotter girl.

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Whenever I read a book, in my head it all takes place at my own house, or some other familiar location.

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Suddenly thinking that this is all a dream, and having to pinch yourself to make sure it isn´t. Or is it?

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Rereading a text message 25 times before you send it to make sure it makes sense.

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I always cry when I pray.

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get really embarrassed when i leave the book i read when i poop on the bathroom counter and someone uses the bathroom.

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Like a toy until it breaks.

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Force a piss out really hard because you're in a rush.

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Secretly open a packet of something or spray some deodorant in a shop to check what it looks/feels/smells like. Then put it back and pick up the one behind because you just used/opened the one you were just holding.

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Put your feet up on the wall when you can't get to sleep

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when watching a movie in a big screen cinema, i unconsciously look at the bottom of the screen, midway through the movie, expecting to see a time/track/scroll bar. as if it was VLC media player.

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I wonder what a baby is saying when they are telling you off?

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Accidentally make a weird noise and quickly turn around frantically to see if anyone else hear it.

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I put big spaces in between comments

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.