Whenever I send or receive texts, I always make it a point to have more received texts than sent ones. It makes me feel popular.

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sometime i poop in my hand, then put it in the toilet so it makes less noise and the water doesn't splash up my butt.

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choose which piece of cereal in the cereal bowl i should eat last.

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type "haha" because lol is too gay...but slip sometimes and type lol anyway lol....

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every single time a sad song comes on your ipod you imagine yourself in a movie, gloomily looking out a window or sitting alone on a bench.

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Look at the clock to realize that it seems like the "second" hand is taking longer on the number its on right when you look at it, and/or you looked at the clock at the absolute perfect time. And it happens frequently..

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Sometimes, when I like something on a certain website and see that someone else on my facebook friend's list likes it as well, I think that they're stalking me.

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imagine killing someone by accident and feeling really guilty about it.

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When I'm fighting with someone and I've ran out of good points, I just start making random noises.

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I can't drink while I'm walking I have to stop.

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Sometimes, after I say "bye" to a person on facebook, I wait a few seconds before I log off so that it seems like I said "bye" to other people too. Because I'm just that popular.

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When I use deodorant, I flap my arms like a chicken a couple of times to get some air moving under there...

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I randomly highlight stuff when I'm reading something, only to click outside of the text so I can actually read it.

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Massive hang-over. Say out loud and promise I will never drink like that again. Next time drink atleast as much as the last time.

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Sit on the loo and think about life because I can't be bothered to get up

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Convince yourself that all of your friends are partying together without you when they dont respond to your text messages.

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you look at someone and they look toward you and you look away quickly then you look back to see if they are still looking.

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At the peak of orgasm, i used to think that im making out with someone else (like my crush) to make me cum.

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Doing a little dance after having sex because your so proud you're a FATHER!!! - Uncle Jerrett

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Hearing someone singing a song and stopping midway, so you need to finish it.

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Cross the street or go some other way to avoid the awkward moment of long lasting side by side walking (a move known as the 'overtake') when walking right behind someone who is slightly slower than you.

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Develop a really weird sleeping pattern in the summer, for example going to bed a 5 A.M. and waking in the early afternoon.

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Can't seem to manage not throwing rocks into sea/river

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write a test and the information i studied most is not on the test

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.