Thinking about different guys and how they would be in bed, then thinking im a slut for thinking it...

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I pick at my cuticles when I'm bored.

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Wipe drink can with shirt after someone (mainly father) has had a sip.

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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Pee in the shower

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When driving and a song come on about death I switch the station because i'm afraid its going to happen to me

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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Say 'she's not here' when someone that I don't know calls and asks for me.

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i have conversations in my head about showing someone some music and end up playing specific parts of various songs on my ipod and memorise the timings just in case it does happen

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Imagining yourself in the "Last Supper" scene. (in Jesus's spot matter of fact)

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strt thinking about something spinning, then cant stop no matter how hard you try.

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Listen to song and think of a great montage that would go with it.

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See a news article that looks interesting, too lazy to read the whole thing. Skim.

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Realizes there is less toilet paper than first thought. Hobbles across bathroom to find more. Failure. Take shower.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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When I'm riding passenger in a car, things I'm driving past will be a part of my imaginary drum kit. When a car passes in the opposite direction, I'll tap my right foot as the bass drum, a drain hole along the gutter is my left hand snare, and the street signs and lights are the hi-hats in my right hand.

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I never read the terms and conditions but I say I have

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.