Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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forget i left the light on somewhere in the house and when i see it on i think a ghost did it..

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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open the fridge A eat food B think

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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When going to the bathroom, lock it and when trying to unlock and don't succeed immediately... ITS A TRAP! I'M LOCKED IN MY OWN BATHROOM!!

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Go to someone's house and go and ask where something is and the person you ask just tells you without getting up (I know it doesn't go with the theme of this site but its just something annoying)

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When I am talking about someone, I check my phone to make sure it hasn't dialed them and to make sure they aren't listening.

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I make a mental note NOT to buy the product or service if I feel they are trying to brainwash me with their ads.

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Get a mini heart attack when your rocking on your chair and you nearly fall off

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I cannot f***ing believe how many of these i do... and now i feel out of place

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When realizing i'm being a little bitchy, I laugh and smile right after my sentence to make myself seem a little nicer.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Does anyone else's mouse hand get colder then their other hand when they're on the computer?

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Have deja vu while talking to someone and then stop listening to what they are saying for a few seconds till the feeling passes, then nod like you have been listening the whole time.

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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I am such a coward. When I'm going to have an argument or complain to someone, I think of the beat ever retort, but when it comes down to it I say "why are you so mean" or " why don't you just leave me alone for once" or something like that. ( Yes I get picked on, cos I'm the smartest in our class)

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I have walked into a sliding glass door

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Search through the most popular section of this website trying to find my one

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.