Solving your problems in bed before sleeping and then forgetting all of the solutions when you wake up. This applies to games, homework, and world hunger.

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When I'm running a bath I sometimes sit and look at myself in the mirror and act out conversations with people I've never talked to or celebrities, and when I say something that sounds good I'll repeat it over and over again until I nail huge emotions on my face.

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Get to lazy to stand up in the shower so I sit down in the shower

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Time a song on my MP3 player to be the soundtrack to something I'm about to do, especially in public places.

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I have never watched Star Wars.

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My dreams are almost always bizarre in some way - the only time they're ever normal is when they're the premonition type, and then they're about completely uneventful things but accurate down to the tiniest detail.

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wonder if famous singers are actually the one that sings the song, or if someone else records it in the studio and then they lip sync at concerts.

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fist myself to the point of unconsciousness whilst masturbating to the speeches of Hitler

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When my cat follows me, I pretend we're a pack or some sort of gang and i would be the leader.

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Whenever I see a girl, I always do the math for how good they would be for banging

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Vote for the other guy

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Sometimes when walking, accidently fart and then try to squeak my to sound like my shoes squeaked instead of me farting.

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Whenever I fart, I always smell it. But when other people fart, I don't want to smell it.

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Pronounce hors d'oeuvres 'whores-dev-ers' thinking I'm so witty.

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When you are in a car and a sad song comes on look out the window and pretend you are in a movie.

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Sometimes when I'm all alone, I like to rub vasceline on myself and pretend I'm a slug.

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Rubbing your scalp and watching your dandruff fall like snowflakes

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Watching movies about couples with age gaps and woundering how it would feel like to be with somebody much older (or younger) than you. Would they use viagra or would you not even try to have sex with someone so old and delicate?

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Stare blankly at your desktop when someone walks in the room so they won't know that you were watching porn lol

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Assume that on another planet or galaxy there are people just like humans that look exactly like me. Like an alternate universe.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.