I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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when you're microwaving something and you have to pee, you run to the bathroom. then you run back to see if there is still time left before the "bomb" goes off.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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When you say bye to someone and keep walking in the same direction, and then its really awkward...

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Sometimes I try to solve a math problem using my finger and my thigh, and when I make a mistake a erase it with my hand.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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Whenever I am in a dark room at night, and there is a window with blinds with a light shining through, I stand in front of it and pretend I am wearing a striped prison jumpsuit.

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Try to use my "Brain Power" to pick up things when I am too lazy to get up and get them.

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Decide to think about important things in the shower, but continually lose the train of thought and eventually give up.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

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start planning Halloween costumes on November first.

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When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

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I sometimes start moving my hands around "making them fight" pretending they are tiny fighters.

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Stare off into space in the middle of a conversation

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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Smell a fart and don't react until someone else does.

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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When you can feel yourself blushing so you pretend to be preoccupied with something else.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.