Make a little song with tiny breaths out of your nose

thumb_up thumb_down -22

When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

I wonder do females have morning wood equivalent?

thumb_up thumb_down -22

play my ipod all night till my eyes hurt

thumb_up thumb_down -24

I say random stuff when I wake up. Just to make sure my voice is still working.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

talking on the phone with somebody and then spending 10 minutes or so looking for your phone...

thumb_up thumb_down -32

My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

thumb_up thumb_down -32

Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

thumb_up thumb_down -34

I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

Still record on VHS tapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -38

when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

thumb_up thumb_down -40

When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

thumb_up thumb_down -40

call someone by a siblings name.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

thumb_up thumb_down -54

Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

thumb_up thumb_down -54

I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

thumb_up thumb_down -56

I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

thumb_up thumb_down -66

If its dark and you have to go with rhe stairs i do that running because i tink somebody is behind my

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

thumb_up thumb_down -106

Pick your dead skin then eat it.

thumb_up thumb_down -108

You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

thumb_up thumb_down -138

When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

How is it that celebrities no one likes keep popping up on shows everyone likes

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.