Look at a guy and think that he is a good looking guy, than immidiatly try to think of something else because thats gay.

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Walk into a public bathroom and go to the urinal, but then stop and think theres some guy who will perv on you and then go in the cubicle.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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When an awkward situation arises, pull out my phone and aimlessly flip through the apps to pretend I'm busy doing something

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Fall down the stairs, bounce on your ass to the bottom, feel scared, then want to DO IT AGAIN! Get pwned at a game, rage, look at your cat sitting beside you, looking back, and say "What?"

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I always find myself criticizing some commercials on television like the first time I see them I think nothing of it but the third or fourth time I think hey wait a second...

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I hump my bed at night and pretend it's a hot model

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Spend countless hours looking at cars online I know I'll never be able to afford

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call someone by a siblings name.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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I have won so many competitions online for things like being the 99, 999th visitor on the site

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.