Think about the things you could do with you had the power to stop the time.

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I enjoy my company, I love myself, which is contagious, people around me enjoy my company, and love themselves. Moral: Thumb me down and prove you are a sad fuck TODAY!

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Try to see nipples through body paint.

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For some reason some guy at the office started calling me "Biggus Dickus" and that became my nickname from there on... ...Cant help but smirk whenever my female employees gather and ask one another "But what is that Biggus Dickus guys real name? Is he really "Biggus Dickus? Such a strange name, should we call him Biggus Dickus or? etc" Nero the clit collector: AND THEY WONDER WHY I REFUSE TO TELL THEM MY REAL NAME XD They even have bets to see which one can guess "Biggus Dickus`s" real name... ...WHAT? YOU COLLECT STAMPS! THATS TWICE AS CRUEL... Besides you got like ten, I got about 300.005.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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I sometimes chew on the inside of my cheek

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Think it's awesome when I look at a clock and it reads the same numbers that my address starts with.

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Start to pray at night, but get bored and stop in 2 min.

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When sitting on the pot I whip and then I feel like I have to crap again.

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Trying not to fart when laughing is challenging.

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When I'm riding in the car, I'll spot a tree, make it my goal and try to beat the car on the opposite side of the road to it. (Seriously I don't think anyone else does this!)

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I mute music videos and watch them to completely different music.

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Sometimes I think about what I would do if I accidentally killed someone. I don't want to kill anyone, but if I did it accidentally. Would I call an ambulance, hide the body, confess to police, destroy evidence, etc?

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Whenever I hear someones name being announced on a p.a., in a store for example....I say out loud 'never heard of him/her'

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I have memorized my drivers license registration number

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Only I CAN TYPE FUCKlNG FUCKlNG FUCKlNG AS MANY FUCKlNG TIMES I FUCKlNG WANT! Moral the friendly r*pist: FUCKlNG COOL!

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When I get the chance, I always nick a chip from my mum's or dad's dinner.

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When I'm in the shower, I talk to myself, usually about my plans for video game procedures.

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Dad, what's that dark place over there? That's Chorley son, you must never go there.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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Don't make a sound when sitting in the stall and someone walks in; and in turn, don't say anything to the person in the stall even if you know who it is!

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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Try to give my download speed moral support: "You can do it! YES, just stay there!" For anyone out there struggling with slow internet.. I feel your pain

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.