When I hear something that I could make a great comeback to (if it was directed towards me), I saw it under my breath just to feel full fiilled

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try not to step on cracks on the sidewalk

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Ur mum

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY GLENDA!!!

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Thinking your life is a movie...

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Search up google on bing or yahoo because i feel that google is so much better

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I like to sleep on the floor; my my cushion is too soft.

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Wonder if life is just a dream then get a creepy feeling and immediately think happier thoughts.

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I use encryption even for everyday, routine communications because fuck the NSA.

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I am Moral Man your friendly r*pist neighboorhood, what only I can do? I can steal, cheat, kill r*pe boys and girls, cats, not mouse heck I am no pervert either see? All this and I can still be... ...A SMOOTH CRIMINAL! AH! YAHOOW!

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I try to not step on the lines on the sidewalk

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Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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Stick my hand all the way to the bottom of a tub of grease.

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Complimenting a girl awkwardly,and then smiling stupidly later and thinking of alternate versions of the conversation that happened!!

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Pee in the shower

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Hum up and down in pitch because it makes LED displays dance around.

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make those little rectangles with your mouse on the computer get so close that they are together and you cant see them and try to move to the left or right, keeping the lines together so you cant see them.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Think about what to say to the person you like and never actually say it .

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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Hearing a noise and turning around to see if theres a monster in the room, and when you see nothing you think "hmm, he hides everytime I turn my head around." and then for the next minute you try to suddenly look back to see if you can catch it off guard.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.