whenever i'm talking about someone, i constantly check my phone to make sure i haven't butt-dialed them and they're listening to everything i'm saying about them!

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Put toilet paper in the toilet before I'm going to take a shit, so that the toilet won't get dirty.

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in silences, freak, thinking someone can read your mind and tell them off in your head

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I feel that there is something sinister going on in government

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Drink half the water in a water bottle and then swish it around pretending to drown little people inside it.

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Skip lines to read faster then get confused by everything for the next 10 pages.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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Trying to preform oral on yourself.... And failing.

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I Never read the Terms of Service but click the box anyway .

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At restaurants, eat my food in sections. Usually leafy greens, french fries, then steak/ whatever meat.

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Put my hands together the 'other' way

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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Embarassingly repeatedly use of the word "bro" when irritated or excited.

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Waiting alone inside a public toilet for someone to come in and open the door.... so you don't have to touch the handle!

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interview yourself over some amazing accomplishment you achieved like becoming the youngest emmy winner and pretending you're really humble.

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when you're texting in class and you realize you are staring at your crotch and smiling.

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Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

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I read these not only for fun, but to feel in touch with my humanity.

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Flexing your abs when you put on deodorant so you dont look fat

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I like to eat the crust on pizzas

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Sittig on a table donating sperm to my friend gabe

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Sometimes I think ''Someone somewhere in the world just got slapped'' or ''Someone just took a nasty shit''.

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Sometimes if I am by myself at the house or in the car I will act completely insane and absurd. This usually involves me screaming incoherent babble, whole body twitching, making absurd faces and doing this thing where I bite my tongue and shake my head violently. If any normal person saw me they would either think I am having a seizure or currently possessed by Satan.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.