Every time i find an insect in my basement i grab it put it in the toilet and pee on it victoriously while its being flushed down. But Im a nice guy, and i worry about this evil hatred i have towards insects.

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It's hot but I still have on covers

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Check the lint filter on the dryer every time I walk into the laundry room.

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Miss the bus, keep running pretending I was going somewhere else.

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Saying something stupid and then claiming it was an inside joke so you don't look stupid.

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Run back into your room when your microwaving something

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wonder who wrote these things

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When I Was Little I Always Slept On My Stomach Even If I Wasn't Comfortable Because I Thought It Would Be Harder For Aliens To Abduct Me.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Watch scary movies even though your afraid of the dark.

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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When I fap at friends house, I use mobile data instead of his wifi incase history can be seen

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Read this site's posts, think of something awesome to write but then forget it because you decided to read more and finish the page rather than write it immediately.

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When a male dies and screams in pain in a movie, I feel normal about it. When a female does, I feel bad and want to help.

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skipping back to the start of the guitar solo over and over so I can pretend I'm playing it

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i always think people can hear my thoughts.

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wait up to 14 days just to find the opportunity to use one, really good, joke.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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Feel like puhing the crap out of people who talk loud in public places.

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Walk next to someone so you don't look too lonely.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.