spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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When someone is talking to me and I'm not really listening, when it gets quiet I say 'that's crazy' so they think I'm listening.

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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When i'm in the front passenger seat, I still move my foot like im the one driving...

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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When in a public bathroom and others are in there, pretend to fix your clothes/hair until everyone has left before you use it.

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When I'm in the shower I act like I'm filming a music video.

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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When your alone in the house you walk around naked even though there is no point

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <<

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I think Lois Griffin on Family Guy is hot!

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daydream/pretend i'm in a story. pretend to be a new person in a movie where all the cool main characters are my friends, add to the movie with my own story and add twists and make it my own.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Think about breathing...

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When a stripper sucks you so hard that the tip of your penis gets circumcised

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When serving grilled steak, I always make sure I get the best one.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.