Look at the toilet paper after i wipe my ass just to make sure i didn't leave anything behind..

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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I can read people's life's and figure out the truth about them with out them telling me how their life is

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When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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I use my mobile as a torch and keep hitting random buttons to keep it alight.

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sometimes when i fart i feel like i pooped a little in my underwear but tell myself ''no i didn't'' but feel poopy until i check.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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Always check the other side of the shower curtain when showering out of fear that someone is on the other side

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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Sometimes when I'm watching a sitcom, I get distracted from the jokes because the characters are in a bedroom and I start focusing on the awesome stuff they have.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.