I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

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I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

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I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

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Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

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Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

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Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

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When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

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Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

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My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Pretend my life is a videogame.

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.