I wear my boxers so I can poop through the pee hole

I like to watch online videos of people and pause the video mid sentence to see the faces they make frozen mid speech

I really enjoy spending my birthday alone. I never told anyone that.

Being so socially awkward that when you have a successful interaction with another human being, you play it in your head over and over again.

Sometimes, I have a hard time looking people I know in the eyes but have no trouble looking strangers in the eyes. I wish I knew why. Help!

My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

When buying anything - a book, pint of milk, food, pen - will go to put down the first one you picked up to find a newer one.... Then feel really bad for the other one you put down and go back to that one so it doesn't feel hurt.

Questioning why they make the Captcha's(spamblocker) SO hard to read

When reading something on the internet highlighting the words, they don't even have to be what you'r reading just highlighting large sections of the article at random.

Being able to scare people by awkwardly standing behind them

Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

when you get a runny nose suddenly checks for blood oh good its clear

My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

Pretend my life is a videogame.

Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

I masturbate with sandpaper

When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.