When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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I'm ridiculously turned on by the scent nail polish.

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When a person tells you: Oh you like Lana Del Rey? Me:No,I like the wall

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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This song will not come out of my head!

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when im alone and in a bad mood i make stupid faces with my eyes closed and try and figure out how stupid i looked. then i start laughing hysterically because i think that im an idiot. then i repeat this process until i have to pee from laughing so hard because im already in the bathroom so why not utilize the toilet, rather than waiting for a commercial and speed-peeing because im scared that i missed some of the show i was watching :D -Grace-

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Sometimes cringe at the sound when other people scratch themselves

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Smile like an idiot while reading this site.

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Before getting in the shower, staring at your naked body, thinking your sexy.

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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collect kleenex boxes for the cool designs

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Watch scary movies even though your afraid of the dark.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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Being afraid to close your eyes when you're washing your hair in the shower because you think a murderer will be right there when you open your eyes again. That or Scared to shower when your home alone at night.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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It takes half as long to take a dump if I forget my phone.

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if your behind glass or a window and you see a group outside, imagine their conversation.

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Wave my hand at automatic doors just as they open pretending that I have Jedi powers

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.