I masturbate with sandpaper

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

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really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

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Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

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I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

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When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

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I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

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I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

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I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

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When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

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Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.