My daily agenda: wake up take a crap get out of bed...

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Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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When you can't hear your friend, but you nodd your head and snicker, hoping it was a joke

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Race the microwave. Not literally, by the way.

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Hit the off button on the microwave three times to simulate the sound it makes when time is up.

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When your at your friends house and they run out of toilet paper, so you sit there like "what do i do now?"

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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when looking at a reflection of myself, i try to do it as fast as i can before the reflection does something i didnt

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Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

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Think about breathing...

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Think about Facebook chats when your offline!? P.S Am I the only one, REALLY!

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I hate when people say for example,if something is $3.99 they say its four dollars.

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Likes that girggle sound you make after a burp.

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Roll my eyes with them closed when I am annoyed with someone

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When I go to the shops I like to park my car next to a specific coloured car so I can find it afterwards.

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I chew around the center of carrots.

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You pretend to fight imaginary people while no ones looking:/ But you look like the star wars kid...

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Having a deja vu, swearing you've seen something before.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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Look at the least popular comments just out of interest

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I think about fat women while poking my skinny girlfriend

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Say "what?" when you know what they said, then answer before they can respond. I do it because it takes me a second to figure out what they said and so my immediate response it "what?".

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.