I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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sometimes i poop in my pants and like the smell of my poop. Smells like whatever i just ate.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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When I take a shower, I screw with my iPod for a half an hour "Waiting for the water to warm up".

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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I wonder if old women enjoy sex?

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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having cool friends, but all their other friends are nerds.

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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fart and talk thinking it will cover the smell

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Say ow when I bang something I'm caring into something, even though I didn't get hurt at all. -B

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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When I used to go on car rides at night I would look up at the moon and I would think it was following us.

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Vote for the other guy

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Sometimes I would just be thinking to myself and then think of something funny and laugh but I don't share it with anyone else makes me look insane.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.