I masturbate with sandpaper

Fantasize about taking over the world, and killing all religious people.

When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

really wonder why there is so much talk about pooping and farting on this site

when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

Take advantage of loud traffic to fart really hard.

Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

Am I not the one who created an imaginary BAE?

Everytime I have ear buds in and I hear myself breathing, I think others can hear it too so I slow my breathing or hold my breath.

Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

Consume skin around finger nails. Cuticle too.

I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

When you are speaking to someone with a distinct accent and suddenly take on the accent as your own when responding. - Missy Chemick

Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

When I drive I sing really loud and then when a car come up next to me I pretend I wasn't singing

I always have to know exactly what time it is before I go to sleep, just so I can figure out exactly how many hours of sleep I will get.

I save my files as "askjaskjaks" because I'm too lazy to give them a proper name.

I'm a female. Sometimes I pee in the shower just so that I can try to aim my pee at the drain. This way I can imagine what it's like to pee with a doodle.

When I dry my hair after showering I put a towel on my head and look at the mirror pretending I am a mighty naked sheik.

Going to the bathroom in public just to scratch my butt

When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.