The girl I like has just managed to transfer her consciousness into my mind, now being to hear my every thought and see everything I do. Just. Act. Cool.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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Look at my poop before flushing

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When home alone, I put cans in front of the door so if someone breaks in, I wake up.

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I don't thumb down any submissions because then I am just as bad as the people who thumb down mine

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when you kill a bug you act like a god and yell something before you kill it

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Think about the same confusing random dilemas that dont involve me every week and alwaus come to the same conclusion

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Sometimes I won't do something just to see how long it takes before someone else does it (dishes, throw something away, fill the ice cube tray, etc.).

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Sit at your desk at work and think to yourself "is this it? I feel like I was meant for something bigger, like being an actor or a real life hero." then you look around you and feel bad because you feel like you dumped on everyone else who seem happy wih their lives. Then you go back to your boring desk job anyway.

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A lot of times I'll make up reasons for why different things happen even though I really have absolutely no idea.

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When i close the refrigiator door, i re-open it and give it a good shove to make sure it tight.

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Scratch my asshole and always judge it to be okay to continue my day, no matter how bad the smell.

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When I'm laying in bed and I feel my heartbeat, I turn around so I can't feel it because it makes me feel sick.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Forget a seemingly simple word. Shout it out at random 3 days later...(don't tell me you don't do this)

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I sometimes go out of my way to make sure I have my iPhone with me in the bathroom while taking a poop.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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when you wave at a car thinking its someone you know and it ends up being some old lady.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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I masturbate with sandpaper

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Vote for the other guy

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Moving my bottom jaw around slightly makes me feel like I have dog-like ears and I'm moving them around.

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when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

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Go up/down the stairs in 10 steps exactly. Talk to an imaginary girlfriend when I'm guilty of something, and she helps me out and holds me till I fall asleep.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.