Think about breathing...

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I have shown up for a first date in a friends POS car instead of my own to see if she is too materialistic

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~When you turn around, somebody is already looking at you; something is probably on your face. (I know they look at you because you would look at anybody turning around, but I just hate it)

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I used to be the third most useless invention in the world, and now I am so sad, I mean I lost to a square wheel! Moral: On the bright side, ill never be as useless as Rustin Beaver.

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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I practice my signature on a piece of paper over and over again. Even though my signature has never changed.

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Play call of duty then go around shooting everyone in your mind for the rest of the day

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When your to lazy try to use the force to pick things up

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Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

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Start thinking about my blinking and feel that I am blinking weird

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spank it during my commute if I am in traffic

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think that the NSA is always watching what you do online at any time you are even connected.

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Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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thinking that everybody in the world (except me) has a device which shows them what i am doing, watching and makes them feel what i am feeling

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Check the shower before you pee to make sure nothing is waiting there to literally get you with your pants down.

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When I wipe after taking a poo I always get excited when there is no extra poo to be wiped off...yea...don't judge

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I hate being called "buddy".

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When at a red you watch the light real close and as soon as it turns green you try to beat the other cars to the other side of intersection

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call someone by a siblings name.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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smile when you find out that the things you only do is right.

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i put a empty pack of cigarettes under my pillow and hoped the cigarette fairy would come when i was asleep

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Touching that door knob three times before opening the door.

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Have a dream about somebody being mean to me. Proceed to be mean to them in real life.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.