When I am drinking coffee and I am nearly finished I swish the coffee to get the last of the sugar

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I fill my bathtub up with marinara and then sit curled up in it and pretend that I am a meatball.

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Whenever I'm chewing on gum that has lost its flavor, I extract the gum from my mouth using my fingers before putting it back in so the flavor would return.

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I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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I feel that getting a 98 on a test is better than getting a 99.

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Vote up your own websites posts, to make them look more popular!

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I don't like to answer the phone because it is never for me.

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thinking about how you will never understand who in the world thought it was a good idea to spell "Wednesday" like that

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When you sit down to use the toilet, start, and then realize that the window is open and people can hear you.You then either search for something to mask the sound or proceed to relieve yourself by making as little noise as possible (ultimately failing)

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Think about having sex with the dog. You wouldn't, but what if you did?

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My butthole itches, so I fart to scratch it.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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Pass wind after i ate lasagna.

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I make weird crazy faces at myself in the mirror whenever I leave the bathroom.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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When I walk past a homeless person asking for change, I avoid looking them in the eye and walk faster.

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When I was younger I used to think that Red bull was a drink that really did give you wings like they show in the commercials

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I'll imagine that I'm having a conversation with a celebrity, and either giving them advice or telling them why I hate them and calling them out on bullshit.

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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imagine a bunch of girls are watching you at home, so you don't look like a dumbass

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.