I wonder what would happen if time froze and only I could move. I think about all the things I could do.

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Swirling your hair through your hair while something is loading.

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check shower for murder then pee

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I think about other women when having sex

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Fantasize a situation that turns you into a person with superpowers or something.

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Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

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When Im going to sleep , I try to think of good things so I wont think of scary things

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When you know your alone, you still have to check the whole house.

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When calling someone you hang up after 3 or 4 rings because you're tired of waiting rather than it being time to leave a message.

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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When I get bored of sex and p*rn, I download animal "mating" stuff for variation.

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when you hear "tartar sauce" you think that it's actually made from tartar -MATT

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When I see a 20th Century Fox movie, I always sing the intro.

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if something stands for something, i come up with my own version of it.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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When the toilet paper falls to the floor, I quickly roll it again so nobody notices it.

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I think of doing something productive, but can't work up the motivation and end up on the internet instead.

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thinking your pants are wet when you only just sat down for a long time

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Always run up the stairs as if someone was chasing you.

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Get bored of regular porn and watch some bestiality just for the variation.

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I forget I turned the toaster on and jump when it goes off.

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when i pass a grave yard, i am compelled to hold my breath

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Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.