After a meal if I need to use a toothpick I would eat the piece of food I "picked".

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I try really hard to come up with a funny joke on antijokes.com, then I give up and come to this website instead.

thumb_up thumb_down -55

Lay down in bed and close my eyes and pretend that the bed is slowly levitating towards the ceiling. When I open my eyes, the bed is back on the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down -57

when you read a post that you don't do then start doing it

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

thumb_up thumb_down -61

Think about breathing...

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Walk away in the middle of a sitcom and then play the rest out of the episode in your head while doing something else.

thumb_up thumb_down -91

Start the shower so no one hears you shit bricks

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Being the only one laughing at something on TV, then feeling awkward.

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Read something strange and funny that you don't actually do, then say: "whaat?" And lough and everyone around you just look at you not knowing why you're talking to yourself an laughing.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

Never eat curry before school otherwise you will have a massive poo

thumb_up thumb_down +8

I rate certain songs on my iPod higher than others because if someone else is checking out my playlists, I don't want them knowing how much I really love that super cheesy song from the early 90's (even though every time it comes on, I hit repeat at least 3 times and sing aloud as loudly as I think I can get away with. I really, really love that song!).

thumb_up thumb_down -4

My bedroom is at the end of the house, so when I turn the light out and sprint to the lounge room, thinking Jeff the Killer could get me...

thumb_up thumb_down -6

Wash my hands after i use the toilet.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

I don't like just killing bugs in my home so what I do is I would catch them in a tissue and flush them down my toilet

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Hope that one day your closet will have a secret world like Narnia...

thumb_up thumb_down -18

There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

The volume level on my TV has to be either an even number or a multiple of five.

thumb_up thumb_down -24

When I'm alone with my pet, sometimes we just sit down and stare at each each other for a minute or two

thumb_up thumb_down -26

Tally mark everytime I take a shit.

thumb_up thumb_down -34

When in the shower dread putting the shower gel on you chest as it is freezing!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -34

Wish that Mexicans would go to their OWN country and stop living tax free in OURS.

thumb_up thumb_down -36

When I play Sims, I feel like God and wonder if we, in fact, are just the players in God's Sims game. Hmmmm...

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Still record on VHS tapes.

thumb_up thumb_down -40

Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.