Every time I miss a gree light by just a couple seconds, I think to myself, "Maybe if I had made that light an out of control semi would be slamming into my car right at this moment." Thank you red light.

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When I’ve got something cooking in the microwave, before actually looking to see how much time is left, I try to guess how much time is left; if I’m correct within 3 seconds on the timer, I actually feel a measure of accomplishment.

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There's this reassuring voice in my head. She's almost like a mother, telling me that it'll be alright and that I have things to do.

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After peeling an apple, I will put the apple in a zip-lock and hold it through the plastic so my hands won't get sticky while I eat it.

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Wanting to be the Walmart baby model as a kid ^_^

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I choose not to post a comment on some subjects because I know there will be a hundred others that will be the same.

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Archer's Pam poovey, Lana Kane and Malory makes me horny

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Search for blackheads on your arms for hours just because youre bored!

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Find that the kettle has recently been used and still contains hot water so decide to have a cup of tea just so that boiling that water wasn't a waste. Think that it might have cooled down by now. Reboil the water.

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When im standing at a urinal and another guy was there before me and i still finish first i pretend like im still peeing so he wont think i have a bladder problem.

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Sweet! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> Minecraftcodes.info <

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Every time I see a pretty girl,the first thing I think is how I'd love to pin her down and tickle her.

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Simultaneously apply pressure to my ears to make the surrounding noises sound weird Tristan J.

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I like to record the audio from TV shows and movies onto cassette tapes from my stereo, and listen to them on my Walkman while I'm working in the kitchen or around the house.

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Use reverse psychology on the rain to make it slow down or speed up.

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See how fast and accurate i can use the fast forward on my dvr and applaud myself when i go full speed and stop 2 seconds before the show is back on.

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Use an entirely different vocabulary in your head than everyday life.

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Sitting on the toilet and feel devastated I forgot my smartphone and then spending the rest of my time on the toilet thinking about how boring it is without my smartphone.

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I tilt my head back and eat grapes pretending like im a greek god

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Normally I can do a specific task no problem but when someone is watching and I know that they are watching I screw up.

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you know that when things have only one like on this site, the people who wrote it liked it

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Think your teacher is super hot and have a hard time concentrating in class . . . for the whole year.

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Sick the top of you fingers in your pants when you are doing something that requires one hand, like watching t.v

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taking a shit while brushing my teeth.

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Things You Think Only You Do

A collection of things you think only you do. Go ahead and confess. You probably aren't the only one.